"It's a matter of perspective, really."

All right. Enough with the Hellsing Ultimate Abridged references.

Thin is easy. I'm lazy as all hell and eat junk every day and I manage it. Even with the added disadvantage of being old and having crap for a metabolism, I still manage to stay thin. How?

1. Stop drinking soda. I eat horrible, horrible things and yet even I know that carbonated crap's the worst thing you can put into your pie hole...almost.

2. Get some walking in. A half hour a day; that's all it takes. Screw running. It's bad for your knees and puts strain on your heart. If you're old like me, you're just begging for a coronary doing that. Running killed Jim Fixx for f*ck's sake. Buy a clue.

3. Lift some damn hand weights. Buy some 8 pounders (never too heavy) in a color you like and put them somewhere in the living room where you have to pass by them every time you go to the kitchen to stuff your face. You'll be compelled to lift when you see them. Give into the urge and do it.

And that's it. Do these things religiously and you'll always fit into your thin pants. It's not brain surgery.