I remember falling off the edge of the Earth once.

I landed in this weird place where everyone looked like giant hats and there was this weird magician who flew around in another giant hat and zapped everyone with 'magic' (or maybe it was Quaaludes, I forget).

Then there was this forest full of plastic plants and these strange teens dressed like insects who inexplicably sang songs with British accents. And when Martha Raye showed up, things started to get really weird. And if any of you get either of those references, you're officially 'old', just like me.

Then I woke up on the floor with an empty bottle of Jim Beam next to me. I remember thinking at the time (Reasonably sure it was the early '70s) , "F*ck this sh*t, I'm going back to vodka." ...or something.

So remember, kiddies, science is real and everything else is crap...or a strange drug trip.

...Oh, and drugs are bad, so don't do drugs, mmmkay? Damn South Park references!