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Song Details
Rank this week: 35 (↑22)
Duration: 7:36 
Release Date: 1976  (sfjpk30) 
Lyrics By: Frank Zappa (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Music By: Frank Zappa (Stavro Arrgolus) 
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Facts:
  • Also know as 'Bleepies and Beer' or 'Beepies and Beer', due to the needed edits for national airplay. Recent play on Dr. Demento's streaming audio shows have used a total unedited version. (Tim P. Ryan)
  • Song Lyrics:
    It was the blackest night
    There was no moon in sight
    You know the stars ain't shinin'
    'Cause the sky's too tight
    I heard the scary wind
    I seen some ugly trees
    There was a werewolf honkin'
    'Long the side of me

    I'm mean 'n I'm bad, y'know I ain't no sissy
    Got a big ***** girly by the name of Chrissy
    Talkin' about her 'n my bike 'n me . . .
    'N this ride up the Mountain of Mystery, mystery

    I noticed even the crickets
    Were actin' weird up here
    So I figured I might
    Just drink a little beer
    I said, "Gimme summa that what yer suckin' on . . "
    But there was no reply
    'Cause she was gone . . .

    "Where's those ******* I like so well,
    'n' my goddamn beer!"
    Is what I started to yell, then I heard this noise
    Like a crunchin' twig, 'n up jumped the Devil , . .
    He's about this big , . .

    He had a red suit on
    An' a widow's peak
    An' then a pointed tail
    'N like a sulfur reek
    Yes, it was him awright
    I swear I knowed it was
    He had some human flesh
    Stuck underneath his claws
    You know, it looked to me
    Like it was ***** skin
    I said, "You sonofabitch!"
    'Cause I was mad at him
    Well he just got out the floss
    'N started cleanin' his fang
    So I shot him with my shooter
    Said: BANG BANG BANG

    Then the sucker just laughed 'n said, "Put it away . . .
    You know, I ate her all up . . . now what you gonna say?"
    YOU ATE MY CHRISSY? "Yeah! ******* 'n all!"
    WHAT ABOUT THE BEER THEN? "Were the cans this tall?"
    EVEN HER BOOTS? "Would I lie to you?"
    s**t, YOU MUSTA BEEN HUNGRY! "Yes, this is true"
    'WELL, DON'T THEY PAY YOU GOOD FOR THE
    STUFF THAT YOU DO?
    "Well, you know, I can't complain when the checks come through . . ''
    WELL, I WANT MY CHRISSY, 'N I WANT MY BEER
    SO YOU JUST BARF IT BACK UP NOW, DEVIL,
    DO YOU HEAR!
    "Blow it out your ass, motorcycle man! I mean, I am the Devil
    Do you understand?
    Just what will you give me for your ******* and beer?
    I suppose you noticed this little contract here , . ''
    YER GODDAMN RIGHT, YOU SON-OF-A-WHORE,
    THAT'S ABOUT THE ONLY REASON
    I LEARNED WRITIN' FOR . . .
    GIMME THAT PAPER ... BET YER ASS
    I WILL SIGN . . . 'CAUSE I NEED A BEER, 'N IT'S *****-
    SQUEEZIN' TIME!

    "You can't fool me, man . . . you ain't that bad . . .
    I mean you shoulda seen some of the souls I had . . .
    Why there was Milhous Nixon 'n Agnew too . . .
    'n both of those suckers was worse 'n you . .
    "WELL, LET'S MAKE A DEAL IF YOU THINK THAT'S TRUE
    I MEAN, YOU'RE THE DEVIL SO ... WHATCHA GONNA DO?

    (improvised dialog)
    "Wait a minute...a tinge of doubt crosses my mind...when you say...
    that you want to make a deal with me..."
    "That's very, very true
    I'm only interested in two things
    "Yeah?"
    See if you can guess what they are"
    "I would think...uh...let's see, maybe Stravinsky..."
    "I'll give you two clues. Let go of your pickle"
    "What?"
    "Let go of your pickle!"
    "I'm not holding my pickle"
    "Well, who's holding your pickle then?"
    "I don't know...she's out in the audience...
    Hey Dale, would you like to come up here and hold
    my pickle to satisfy this weird man out here on the stage?"
    "I'm only interested in two things, and that's
    ******* and beer
    You know what I mean?
    "What?"
    "******* and beer
    ******* and beer
    ******* and beer
    ******* and beer
    ******* and beer
    ******* and beer
    ******* and beer
    ******* and beer!"
    "I don't know if you're the right guy?"
    ******* and beer!"
    ******* and beer!"

    "No! Don't sign it! Give me time to think ...
    I mean ... hold on a second, boy . . . cuz that's
    Magic Ink!"

    And then the Devil let go of his pickle
    'N out come m'girl
    They heard the ******* PLOP-PLOPPIN'
    All around the world, she said:
    "I GOT ME THREE BEERS 'N A FIST FULLA DOWNS,
    AN' I'M GONNA GET RIPPED, SO f**k YOU CLOWNS!"

    And then she gave us the finger
    It was rigid 'n stiff
    That's when the Devil, he farted
    An' she went right over the cliff
    The Devil was mad; I took off to my pad
    I swear; I do declare!
    How did she get back there?
    I swear; I do declare!
    How did she get back there?
    etc. repeat
    (Stavro Arrgolus)
    HyperLink  
    Current Rating 9.1 (5 votes)
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