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Rank this week: 19 (↑31)
Duration: 3:32 
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Song Lyrics:
Now my dear friends my subject tonight is called evolution of the Green Garden Hose part 2.
Now as far as we know the green garden hose has never been threatened with extinction.
He has always been around in great numbers and even today you will find at least one green garden hose at every home.
He will usually have one attached to an outside water faucet.
And in the winter time he will coil himself up near the house and somewhat hibernate from about the month of October through the month of March.
The only time you have to be careful around your green garden house is during the month of August. This is when they shed that metal ring on their nose and have been known to swallow human beings.
I remember this one case out in Los Angeles I believe it was. Where this lady was attempting to get a drink from her green garden hose. When she opened her mouth the hose saw her teeth and thought it was being attacked. So it swallowed her.
But now my friends this is no big thing since the green garden hose does not start digesting it's food until the 4th day. You've got plenty of time.
What you do my friends, you go out and find yourself the biggest garden hose you have ever seen. Bring him home and paint red stripes up and down his back and a yellow ring around his neck. And pitch him over on the other hose and holler snake real loud.
Now this will scare the hose into delivering up it's prey in order to make itself lighter for the attack.
Then immediately drag the person away to a safe distance. They will look like a dried up prune for a few weeks, but otherwise unharmed.
I have this friend down in Nashville, Tennessee who likes to tease his green garden hose.
He sits on his front porch a lot friends and when he gets tired of watching his car bumpers rust. He will go out in his front yard and catch his green garden hose and wrap him around a tree and tie the ends in a bow knot.
Then he gets back on his front porch and almost laughs himself to death watching the green garden hose free himself.
My friends this is not advisable as it will make the green garden hose very mean and they have been known to leave home under such circumstances.
A scientist out in New Mexico found that by forcing water back through the green garden hose at a tremendous rate of speed. That green garden hose would in one year produce enough 1/2 inch water pipe to go around the world 3 times. He was up for the Nobel Prize but he was cancelled out because they couldn't find anyone who wanted to go around the world on a water pipe.
And they also found my friends that he had copied his idea from the old method of running a sausage mill backwards to manufacture pigs. Oh my friends what a beautiful thought.
Now I am often asked this question are garden hoses edible. Yes my friends they are but only the green ones and when the weather is extremely cold.
What you do is catch the temperatures down to at least 20 below 0. Find one that is coiled up near the house and hit him in the head with a 10 pound sledge hammer just as hard as you can.
A 50 foot garden house will ply into about 100 6 inch long pieces. Gather them up immediately and put them in a pot of boiling water. Cook for about an hour. Then take the links out and stuff them with Vienna sausages.
Now my friends this is such a rare treat. I am sure you will be inviting some friends over for dinner. There's always plenty left and the links make beautiful blow guns.
You and your friends can have great fun blowing Vienna sausage back and forth across the table at each other.
And your friends are always glad to stick around and help you wash down your dining room walls and repaint.
Brother George Underbrush. Good day.

(jammin DIA)
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Current Rating 9.1 (5 votes)
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Messages about the song: "Green Garden Hose Part #2"
 
 
The Judge   Offline  -  Donator  -  12-11-05 04:44 PM  -  11 years ago
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All audio files were removed a few weeks ago at the request of Talonian & The Doctor.
bobby d   Offline  -  Member  -  12-04-05 05:58 PM  -  11 years ago
fiogf49gjkf0d
I try to play the song, but i left click and get this page to fill in requesting infofmation i may have on the song. left or right click, no icon is there to play the song.
oink123   Offline  -  Member  -  09-02-05 11:28 PM  -  11 years ago
fiogf49gjkf0d
to play left click and you will hear the song

to save song left click and click save target
  Offline  -   -  08-19-05 11:06 AM  -  12 years ago
fiogf49gjkf0d
how do I play a song?
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