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| Song Lyrics: |
Janeane Garofalo: This world is bulls**t...
Leary's Kids: Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome...
Announcer: The Lord of the Dance, Mr. Denis Leary!
(Leary sarcastically sings and dances Irish jig)
I am the Lord of the Dance! f**k Michael Flatley! It's me! The "Lord of the Dance"...the "Fuhrer of the Dance"...the "Meister of the Dance"...the f**k? What's that make Patrick Swayze? The "President of the Dance", Michael? Lord of the Dance, who has the balls to call themselves the lord of anything? C'mon- the last time someone called himself Lord on this planet, he got crucified, Michael! And we know where the hammer and the nails are! We could put you up in a couple of minutes. Have you seen that show? If you have, GET OUT!! Get the hell out of my show right now, if you've seen that show or if you own that videotape, leave right now! You seen the ads for this show, with him dancing out there with his little flat stomach and his faggy little bullfighting jacket on and his Jackie Stallone headband (sings jig music again) and his pirate shirt flowing in the wind. C'mon.
Folks, I'm Irish, okay? You've seen us dance at weddings, we don't dance like that. We dance like this (drunk Irish dancing). "******' kick your ass, man!" BLUUURGH! BLUUUUUGH! "Turn up the bass, man!" Except for the sober Irish guys, they're over in the corner dancing like this ('sober' Irish dancing). Heh heh heh, that's how I dance in real life, how sad is that? Lord of the dance...you wanna do that show the right way? Get some big, fat, beer-bellied Irish guys out there in those bullfighting jackets, hah? Let them dance and drink and punch their relatives at the same time. (does jig again with punching sounds) "Bob, what happened to your nose? It's broken." "Oh, I was at my cousin's wedding last night. Yep, beat up my mom. I love her. She loves me."
There's a big boom in Irish culture right now. I was in Barnes & Noble the other day, and I saw a book entitled "Irish Cuisine" and I laughed my balls off, okay? Irish Cuisine? What are we famous for cuisine-wise? We put everything in a pot and we boil it for seventeen and a half hours straight. Until you can eat it with a straw. SLUUURP..."Thanks, ma! Where's dessert? Okay, there it is." SLUUURP..."Thanks, ma!" That's not a cuisine, folks- That's penance, that's what that is. "Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I just blew Father O'Grady. What should I do?" "Eat your supper through a straw!" SLUUUUURP!
I mean, I love Ireland, but y'know...they're a tad behind the times, don't you think? They just voted divorce in in Ireland- last summer. Yeah, we're three years away from the millennium; we're about to colonize Mars and they just voted divorce in. Wow...wow...hang on for another two thousand years, you might get the Playboy Channel. Oooh! Blowjobs are a long way off in that country, folks. "We're hoping to vote the blowjobs in around 2050, because right now we're only allotted three blowjobs a year, and they all go to Michael Flatley!"
©1997 Denis Leary (Stavro Arrgolus) |
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Current Rating
9.2
(1 vote)
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Song samples are provided for information purposes only and are intended
to enable the users to sample the music (as they are in very low quality) before
they take the decision of purchasing the music. This right is expressly permitted
under "Fair Use" as nonprofit educational purposes only. The
ownership of the copyright of the songs rests with the respective owners.
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