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Song Details
Duration: 3:32 
Release Date: 1975  (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Lyrics By: George Carlin (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Music By: N/A (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Produced By: Monte Kay/Jack Lewis/George Carlin (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Released By: Little David LD 1008 (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Published By: Dead Sea Music Inc. (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Licensing: BMI (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Keywords: OBSERVATIONAL HUMOR, RELIGION, SILLY VOICES, SOCIAL COMMENTARY 
Reviews:
Facts:
  • A refreshingly realistic bit about the Almighty from the "Wally Londo" album in the days when you could say things like this out loud and not be shot by fundamentalists. Ah, memories. (Stavro Arrgolus)
  • Song Lyrics:
    Religion is like a lift in your shoe. It's important sometimes...and it helps you walk straight for awhile...however long you need it. That's the secret. "How long do I need it?" It's like anything else you think you need...for any length of time. "How long do I need it?" As long as you're pulling your own Coke...(POP! ssss) Nice. As long as you know who's in control or why you're not...okay.

    But religion is like abdicating responsibility for your life. Many religions make it easy for you to...just throw it all off. It's God's will. "That's right, God's will. I ran over the kid in the driveway; that's right. Don't look at me...God's will" "Hey, boss. Let's go downtown and get this guy, God!" Can you see a lynch mob in front of the church? That's the fourth guy He's killed this week."

    Gooood....is a cool guy! He really couldn't have time for all we lay on Him. I mean, all the stuff that we say. We describe Him, y'know, we walk around and one of the things we say is He knows everything. "God knows everything. He know everything that's goin' on at the same time every little molecule..(very fast mostly unintelligible babble about what God knows)" What a work load this must be! Can you picture God on Monday morning? WHOOOOOOOA! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! He wouldn't wish that on Himself. He's a cool guy. He's us. That's what we always said...What every religion told us. "Love yourself, love your neighbor, love your God. You're all the same guy." We just don't have uniforms yet.

    We do believe we're God and that's cool. We are. I think that God is probably subject to physical laws. That would explain a lot of things, y'know? It would explain why he can't help a whole lotta stuff. People say, (funny falsetto voice) "How can a God who's benevolent allow this kind of suffering to go on?" (goofy voice) "He can't help it, lady! Ha, ha, ha! He's subject to physical laws! Ha, ha, ha!" Why did God always have to send a messenger? Why the hell didn't He show up Himself? I mean, really now. "God sent a messenger; God sent an angel" and they came somewhere to somewhere. This implies the traversing of physical space. This implies physical laws. Why did God have to go from someplace to another? ...'Cause He's only slightly superior.

    Everything God makes........dies. "You sure?..So far, everything?" "Right! Every tree so far! Every little hog! Well, there's a lotta things still alive, but it's just like it was before; they're gonna die. We just can't prove it." Whew! That keeps us alive, doesn't it? "It's not all dead yet!" God! Everything He makes dies! Where did He get such a great reputation? This batting average of His is zero zero zero! I mean, a cool guy is a cool guy, but don't put me on.

    Like I say, religion is a lift in your shoe, man. If you need it, cool. Just don't let me wear your shoes if I don't want 'em and we don't have to go down and nail lifts onto the native's feet! Huh huh! (applause) That was always a wonderful thing.
    (Stavro Arrgolus)
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    Current Rating 9.5 (1 vote)
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