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Song Details
Coffee 
By: Worm Quartet
Play Song (Creative Commons License):
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Rank this week: 32 (↑46)
Duration: 4:00 
Release Date: 2000 
Lyrics By: Tim Crist 
Music By: Tim Crist 
Produced By: Timothy F. Crist 
Released By:
Published By:
Licensing: CC 
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Song Lyrics:
CAFFEINATION ACTIVATION!



Sitting in my cubicle

Trying to pass the time

Click the little envelope

But no new mail's online

My schedule program shows me

All this crap I have to do

A post-it note upon my desk

says "Nobody called you"

I write myself a reminder note

To throw that note away

I check my voice mail even though

I've been sitting here all day

It says "You have no messages

No life no hope no friends"

And You've still got seven hours

'Til this freakin’ workday ends



But I can smell salvation

It's brewing down the hall

The percolator sings to me

And I must heed its call

As liquid touches styrofoam

I feel the steam's sweet kiss

And I know I'm just seconds away

From caffeinated bliss



Coffee coffee coffee

To stimulate my brain

Coffee coffee coffee

To make me less insane

I used to be a zombie

And I'd fall asleep at work

Now everybody knows me as

The hyperactive jerk



Now that I'm Chock full'o'nuts

My job is just a game!

I open up my phone book and

I highlight every name!

I bend my paper clips into

The shapes of little men

I search the net for Amish porn

I take apart my pen

I open up the three-hole punch

And spill holes on the floor

I fire staples ‘cross the room

'Til I don't have no more

I laminate my lunch meat

I link my rubber bands

(Make a) Xerox of my hairy ass

And fax it to Japan



And when the buzz starts wearing off

And when I'm feeling low

I pour myself another mug

My cup shall overflow

Eleven packs of sugar

And a couple spoons of creamer

And I shall receive the gift of life

From my liquid redeemer



Coffee coffee coffee

Come on and drink it up

Coffee coffee coffee

Nirvana in a cup

I used to be a peon, just a

worthless wad of gristle

'til I replaced by brain cells

with instant Folger's crystals



My boss calls me in his office

He says "Now listen, you...

"I have a little problem

"with the crappy work you do

"I never see you at your desk

"So what's been going on?

"Half the time you're at the coffee pot,

"The rest you're in the John!

"Your eyes are always bloodshed

"Your hands they always shake

"Your skin's the tone of dead flesh

"At the bottom of a lake

"We think this has to do with all

“The coffee that you chug

"So we’re switching you to decaf

"And we’re cleaning out your mug"



These words to me were blasphemy

I found them just appalling

So I kicked that bastard somewhere

That I knew would leave him crawling

Now I’m jobless homeless on the street

You could say I’ve got hard luck

But I’ve got a gun and now I’m gonna

Go hold up a Starbucks



Coffee coffee coffee

With sugar and with cream

Coffee coffee coffee

The reason for my being

I used to be so tired

I'd pass out on the floor

Now I haven't needed a wink of sleep

Since 1994



Coffee coffee coffee

It's great to have around

Coffee coffee coffee

I even eat the grounds

I used to be a drone,

Now I'll never be the same!

I drink a hundred cups a day

Juan Valdez knows my name
(samuel_whyte)
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