Facial Hair  By: Kobi LaCroix

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Duration:	3:14
Release Date:	7/26/2009  (DJ Particle)
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Licensing:	CC (giveme_comedy_or_give_me_death)
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Debuted at #4 on the Mad Music Dementia Top 20 on August 7, 2009. It was the highest-ranking song of his in his first ever appearance on the DT20. (Kobi LaCroix)

Style parody of Blood, Sweat, and Tears (Kobi LaCroix)

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You may have grappled with the handlebar, you may have taken out the Fu Manchu But they don't come within a mile of the carpeted smile that I wear Rugged as a bear on an ATV, and like a hedge impeccably pruned Oozin' unmistakable butchness out of every hair Got a Tom Selleck mammoth sittin' on my lip Like a freaky fuzzy fully loaded battleship Shootin' sex torpedoes that'll make your foundation shake Girl, there ain't nothin' you can push that my manular bush can't take So baby won't you brush up your body against all the lovin' of my facial hair? Take advantage of your sense of touch when it's too dark to see Baby don't nothin' get too intense for all the lovin' of my facial hair Let's get freaky follicly Get that razor away from me! Allow me to explain in further detail… When you're lonely and you're feelin' cold, don't you know I'll be there in a flash I'll be comin' straight and true and all you have to do is whistle And I'll know just where you are, 'cause I got sonar and GPS installed in my mustache And I will wrap you and protect you in a forest of my manly bristle I'm always ready for the day 'cause while I'm takin' a snooze My beard is up and makin' coffee readin' Yahoo! News Usin' volumizin' lotion so it's thick enough to stick things in How many guys you know play tennis with a racket stickin' out of their chin? So baby won't you brush up your body against all the lovin' of my facial hair? Take a ride across the prairie that's the hairiest that hairy can be Baby nothin' in the world gets too intense for all the lovin' of my facial hair Let's go frolic follicly No, seriously. Adolf Hitler, Josef Stalin, and Saddam Hussein They're all burnin' in hell, but their 'staches all went to heaven And then I heard they shaved off Einstein's and saved it along with his genius brain And now it's owned by a Pakistani cashier at 7-11 And my beard keeps growin' like a bumper crop If it was slightly longer I could play for ZZ Top My eyebrows write for Esquire and my sideburns both have PhD's I'm afraid my facial hair might be a tiny smidgen smarter than me So baby won't you brush up your body against all the lovin' of my facial hair? Take advantage of your sense of touch when it's too dark to see Baby don't nothin' get too intense for all the lovin' of my facial hair Let's get freaky follicly. Give my regards to Barbasol! (Kobi LaCroix)

Available on the following album:

Grapefruit Teeth: A Compendium of Industrial Dixieland Tone Poems for Fiddle and Fire Hydrant, Chapter 1: Rise of the Hyena People

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Played on 8 shows:
	06-27-25, #MMS-279		11-14-09, #ROTP_273
	09-11-10, #MMCZ-10-37		08-28-09, #BR-09-79
	04-28-10, #ROTP_297		08-08-09, #ROTP_259
	02-13-10, #ROTP_286		08-07-09, #MMDT20_09-32
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