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| Song Lyrics: |
Kim: (sad) Oh...
Tim: What's wrong, dear?
Kim: I can't find my car keys!
Tim: You can't?
Kim: No! I mean, I'm pretty sure they're nearby. But when I look down all I see is a coat, a winter hat, the newspaper, and the book I was reading earlier.
Tim: Hmm. Honey, have you ever tried "Looking For Things"?
(SFX: Ting!)
Kim: "Looking For Things"? What's that!
Tim: It's an amazing new system!
Kim: I don't understand!
Luke: Let me show you how it works!
("Too Much Stuff" instrumental plays softly in the background)
Kim: Who are you?
Luke: My name is Luke Ski, and I'm the inventor of the patented "Looking For Things" item location and clutter elimination system!
Kim: How did you get in my house?
Tim: I let him in!
Luke: Damn right you did! Now, I understand you can't find your car keys.
Kim: Yeah, they were here a little while ago but now I can't find them.
Luke: Well let me help you with one of my helpful rhymes for helping: 'If what you're looking for is out of sight, move an item to the right!'
Kim: Wha?
Luke: Just pick up that newspaper there and move it over to the right... Do you see your car keys?
Kim: Why, yes! There they are! It's a miracle!
Luke: It's not a miracle, it's "Looking For Things"!
(SFX: Ting!)
Luke: Soon you'll be ready for my next helpful rhyme for helping, 'If to the right was the wrong guess, move an item to the left!'
Kim: That doesn't rhyme.
Luke: (still in happy voice) Shut up!
Tim: Luke, I'm confused, aren't men supposed to be the sloppy disorganized ones, and women keep everything neat and tidy and clean?
Luke: Ha ha ha, that's old hat, Tim! That went out with button-shoes! It's a common misconception that women are clean and organized. In reality, women are just as lazy, sloth-like, and slobby as most men. Some even more-so.
Tim: Are all women like this?
Luke: No, not all women, just every one I ever dated for the first 33 years of my life.
Kim: That's sexist!
Luke: No, that's the truth!
(SFX: Ting!)
Luke: Yes, for years, I was constantly being asked by whoever I was involved with to help them find their keys, their cell phones, their lighters, their cigarettes, and so on. After years of research I noticed that I could usually find whatever it is they were looking for within seconds by applying a few simple steps and getting up and actually "Looking For" the "Thing" that was missing! So I decided to take my new system and put it on an instructional DVD to help men and women everywhere! But mostly women.
Kim: Wow!
Tim: Please continue to talk about this amazing new DVD!
Luke: Yes, on my "Looking For Things" instructional DVD, you can learn such advanced steps as "Stand Up", "Walk Around", "Look Behind Furniture", and for the advanced, the difficult "Look In Another Room"!
Tim & Kim: Oooh!
Luke: Here's a fun fact, did you know that small items can sometimes slide down between the cushions of your couch, hidden from plain sight?
Kim: Whoa! Slow down! I can't comprehend all of this information at once!
Luke: Well that's why you need my new instructional DVD, the patented "Looking For Things" System!
(SFX: Ting!)
Kim: I'm going to buy one right now! Wait, I can't find my purse!
Tim: Uh oh!
Kim: Wait a minute! Maybe if I pick up this coat and move it over to the right... There's my purse!
All: *laughing*
Luke: Yes, it's just that easy! Order now!
Fast announcer voice: Just $27.95. To order just dial 1-800-L-A-Z-SLOB, or on the internet visit www. for the love of God pick up your crap .com. Be sure to look for Luke Ski's books, "Well, Did You Look For It?", "It Was Right Here!", and "Why Don't You Get Up Off Your Ass And Look For It Yourself?". Order now, operators are standing by. (Stavro Arrgolus) |
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Current Rating
9.6
(1 vote)
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Enter a New Message
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Message:
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Song samples are provided for information purposes only and are intended
to enable the users to sample the music (as they are in very low quality) before
they take the decision of purchasing the music. This right is expressly permitted
under "Fair Use" as nonprofit educational purposes only. The
ownership of the copyright of the songs rests with the respective owners.
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