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Duration: 26:08 
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Facts:
  • A sequel to Will's 1987 "Rock Rap" (ChrisWolvie)
  • Song Lyrics:
    (Instrumental version of M's "Pop Music" in the background)

    It was another GREEN DAY among the DIGABLE PLANETS and I was COUNTING CROWS in my SOUNDGARDEN. I was a BEAT FARMER, tending my GIN BLOSSOMS and planting LIGHTNING SEEDS in the DOWNY MILDEW under the SCREAMING TREES. KID FROST had made it too COOLIO even for an ICE CUBE and too WET WET WET for a SEAL. So I've been spending my HAPPY MONDAYS in my HOUSE OF PAIN which I built from ILL AL SKRATCH with a HAMMER and NINE INCH NAILS.

    I'd been a WREX N' EFFECT lately as my wife, the CONCRETE BLONDE, has become a VIOLENT FEMME, SMASHING PUMPKINS and THROWING MUSES. Well, that's JANE'S ADDICTION; she's a COWBOY JUNKIE but still one of the best KISSERS in the world. My mother's a CRASH TEST DUMMY for the STONE TEMPLE PILOTS. And my FATHER MC? Well, POP WILL EAT ITSELF. Call me IMMATURE with ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT and a BABYFACE but I've watched my OFFSPRING grow from BOYZ II MEN. Hey, THEY MIGHT BE GIANTS, but I'm still their DADA.

    ENUFF Z'NUFF! No longer is it EN VOGUE to live on CRANBERRIES dipped in PEARL JAM and GREEN JELLY. Maybe the DEAD CAN DANCE, but my SPIN DOCTOR, DOCTOR DRE, said my BELLY will SNAP and I'll be a BODY COUNT in the DIGITAL UNDERGROUND if I don't XSCAPE.

    It was before 4 P.M. and AFTER 7 on a P.M. DAWN when I packed my RESTLESS HEART, AZTEC CAMERA and some ICE-T and headed along 95 SOUTH in my CAMPER VAN BEETHOVEN. I took along my SNOOP DOGGY DOGG - a real POI DOG PONDERING - and my TOAD THE WET SPROCKET, and US3 became GYPSY KINGS!

    Under a MAZZY STAR we went HADDAWAY, seeking an ERASURE to the CORROSION OF CONFORMITY of our INNER CIRCLE; A TRIBE CALLED QUEST in search of a COLLECTIVE SOUL to the FAITH NO MORE of our BAD RELIGION, looking for a SOUL ASYLUM for our TERROR FABULOUS ENIGMA...or, at least, to find some BARENAKED LADIES. COLOR ME BADD but I have a weakness 4 NON-BLONDES!

    Stopping in H-TOWN, I was just a JOE PUBLIC, an UGLY KID JOE working for MR. BIG - the NOTORIOUS B.I.G. - at the C & C MUSIC FACTORY. But I was 2 UNLIMITED and I couldn't take it ENYA more. So I formed a TAG TEAM, writing "GENE LOVES JEZEBEL" on every SURFACE like SIOUXSIE & THE BANSHEES with a MEGADETH-wish!

    The sky was A LIGHTER SHADE OF BROWN and I was LO-KEY when I met SHAKESPEAR'S SISTER. She was TYPE O NEGATIVE with 20 FINGERS and a BLIND MELON, but I knew she was the REAL McCOY. It was a NATURAL SELECTION for this DEAD EYE DICK. She gave me a HI-5...er, ten and we were NAUGHTY BY NATURE.

    Everything was a DEEE-LITE, SALT 'N' PEPA and sugar and SPICE 1, until we KRIS KROSSED a troupe of FINE YOUNG CANNIBALS. They were JERKY BOYS from the WU-TANG CLAN, armed with L.A. GUNS and BIG AUDIO DYNAMITE. There were 69 BOYZ on one side and 10,000 MANIACS on the other with an URGE OVERKILL. I yelled, "Take EVERYTHING BUT THE GIRL!" But one of the MAD COBRAS already had my ALICE IN CHAINS, DA BRAT!

    But I had the NEW POWER GENERATION on my side and I prayed to the LORDS OF THE NEW CHURCH...until it HAPPENED!

    Those BONE THUGS N' HARMONY, the BENEDICTINE MONKS, flowed in like CRYSTAL WATERS...and MC 900 FT. JESUS lifted me up to THE HEIGHTS!!

    Well, I'm in MINT CONDITION now back in my SOUNDGARDEN. I don't mind the BLACK CROWES any more. In fact, I've even named one of them "SHERYL (CROW)". So if you should land on SKID ROW and come across HEAVY D & THE BOYZ, AL B SURE! you'll find your NIRVANA...so long as you have your ACE OF BASE in the...HOLE!
    (ChrisWolvie)
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    Current Rating 10.0 (1 vote)
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