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|“Don’t Blame Me”
Lyrics by Adam English
If somebody has a slightly disproportionate facial trait, it
seems like they probably wouldn’t want it grotesquely exaggerated.
And yet a surprisingly sizeable number of folks on a regular basis
call me a schmuck after paying ten bucks for me to make fun of their faces.
To spend a day at an amusement park
is a completely reasonable way to have some fun
and get some sun just for a lark.
Ride some rides, eat belgian waffles,
slide down water slides. Well that sounds awful nice.
But apparently it’s not enough that they have a good time,
they’re still not satisfied.
They’re not fully sated til get they get degraded,
and then they act surprised!
Don’t blame me!
What did you think was gonna happen
when you sat down in my chair?
Don’t tell me,
you thought I’d draw you better looking
than you really are?
Perhaps you’re not aware
that a caricature isn’t supposed to compliment you.
It’s not supposed to de-emphasize your faults and flaws.
No, a caricature is the sort
that exaggerates but does not distort -
- the distinguishing characteristics of a person’s likeness along a
pre-established set of parameters based on a quote-unquote average face
from the person’s gender, race, and age and which exaggerates
the differences between the subject and the hypothetical mean!
You saw the sign. You stood in line.
You watched my previous customer leave with disgust over
how I included his badly receding hairline.
He said “I made him fat.”
I said, “Fried cheese and beer did that.”
He said “I could have made him thinner.”
I said, “So could he if he’d had less for dinner.”
You stood there and watched as he stomped off to the hot dog place,
then you instantly sat down and asked me to draw you a color face.
You said, “Don’t listen to that guy, he was a pig.”
I said, “It’s good you’ve a sense of humor with a nose that big.”
You punched me in the mouth and called me a jerk,
leaving me to wonder if I’m in the wrong line of work.
But before I go and join the Marines,
I just gotta know if people are as dense as they seem.
This is the caricature stand. I’m the caricature man.
Which part didn’t you understand?
You got what you asked for. What did you expect?
I was under the impression you wanted a sketch?
I did what you told me, it isn’t my fault that you’re ugly. (Captain Wayne)