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Song Details
Rank this week: 8 (↑29)
Duration: 4:23 
Release Date: 2003  (sfjpk30) 
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Song Lyrics:
Quennel: Well, here we are, Mary, the snake pit.
Mary: Now, Quennel, you promised not to make jokes all the time at your parents.
Quennel: Yeah, well, you don't know my parents, Mary; that's like throwing out your bicycle chain before you join a rumble.
Mary: Please, Quennel, for me?
Quennel: Okay Mary. (knocks)
Mom: Go away.
Quennel: It's me, mom, your son Quennel.
Mom: Quennel, what brings you here? Did you run out of money?
Quennel: Actually we were looking for a roadside toilet, Mom; it turned out to be the old homestead.
Mary: Quennel! Quennel, you promised.
Quennel: Sorry, Mary. Actually, Mom, I brought someone very special I'd like you to meet.
Mom: Ah, you must be Quennel's new probation officer.
Mary: No, I'm his girlfriend.
Mom: Girlfriend? Impossible--I forbade Quennel to date tramps until he'd reached puberty.
Quennel: So, Mother, are you going to invite into your hovel, or just humiliate us on the front porch?
Mom: No, come in, I can clean again after you leave.
Mary: I can see where Quennel got his sense of humor; he's just like you, Mrs. Haggard, always joking.
Mom: Isn't that cute, Bow-Wow talks. Have a seat at the table, Rover; I'll pour you a bowl of Gravy Train.
Quennel: Don't strain yourself being the ideal hostess, Mom.
Mary: Mrs. Haggard, Quennel and I have some very important news to tell you and Mr. Haggard.
Quennel: Mary, I don't think this is a good idea.
Mom: Oh, nonsense, I'll get your father--he shouldn't be hard to locate by smell.
Quennel: Just check under a damp rock, Mom.
Mom: No, no, he's in the living room watching "The Flintstones." He's big on the educational stuff. (opens door) Hey, Scuzzbucket, drag yourself away from the idiot box and see what your disowned son dragged home.
Dad: At the commercial!
Mary: Quennel, is your family always so mean?
Mom: Oh not really, we're putting on company manners just for you, Chatty Cathy.
Quennel: Mother, I don't want you to speak to Mary that way.
Mom: Tough for her to keep up? I'll try using grunts and monosyllables, Pokey. So Mary, did you meet my son under your favorite streetlamp?
Mary: We met at university, Mrs. Haggard.
Mom: University...why, Quennel, you never told me you graduated from Grade 2.
Quennel: You were too drunk to ask.
Mom: I guess it pays to cheat.
Quennel: Not if Dad catches ya.
Mom: Your father couldn't catch his own breath; the man has the IQ of a sponge.
Quennel: Ah, I suppose that's why he fell for you, Ma.
Mary: Quennel, I can't take much more of this.
Dad: Gladys, get me a beer.
Quennel: Hi, Dad.
Dad: Oh look, a talking pig.
Quennel: Nice to see the lobotomy scars have scabbed up, Pop. I'd like you to meet my girlfriend Mary.
Dad: Nice piece, what was she cost to throw?
Mary: Quennel...Quennel, I have a headache.
Mom: Oh, sign of things to come, son.
Dad: Reminds me of you, Gladys.
Quennel: Not really, Dad, Mary has her own teeth.
Mary: I'm going to the car, Quennel.
Dad: So, what was so important, you had to drag me away from "The Flintstones"?
Mom: Oh, Susie Homemaker here has an announcement.
Mary: Yes, yes, I do have an announcement! Quennel and I are going to get married. He said there was no need to get your blessing, but I insisted. It's obvious you don't care about it, so I'm sorry I even bothered you!
Dad: Take off your blouse, Honey!
Mary: Good-bye! I'll be in the car, Quennel!
Dad: I'm going to watch more TV. Send me pics of the wedding night, okay, son?
Quennel: Well, thanks a lot, Mom; you really screwed that up. The girl I love is in the car crying--just thanks for all your help on this one.
Mom: Now, wait a minute, Quennel, you know we were just having our fun. I really think your gal's a good kid. I know we're a total disgrace, and I wouldn't blame you if you don't invite us to the wedding. But I do hope you're happy with Mary, I'm sure she'll be okay--a real good wife for my son.
Quennel: You really mean that?
Mom: No!
Quennel: Oh, you had me going for a second.
Mom: Sucker! Sucker!
Quennel: See you at the wedding.
Mom: Don't forget to wash!
Quennel: I will if you will!
(jzummak)
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Current Rating 10.0 (2 votes)
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