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Song Details
Duration: 5:01 
Release Date: 2005  (Hatman) 
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Licensing: ASCAP  #495327330 
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Song Lyrics:
Once upon a time, there was a little boy named Steve. Steve wanted to play pirates with his friends, but he was sick all the time, and he couldn't play, so he vowed that when he grew up and he wasn't sick anymore, that he would become a real pirate. But, as fate would have it...

When Steve was a young man, he set out to sea.
A swashbuckling pirate he aspired to be.
He was bold; he was eager, he was stalwart and stout,
but we'd no sooner put out from port than I threw me back out.

"Oh, the first mate, he offered assistance to me,
but no chiropractor he turned out to be.
On that ship, I could find no relief for my back,
'Cause it turned out nobody, the Advil remembered to pack."

Singing, "Yo Ho, maybe Steve was mistaken.
This is a voyage he shouldn't have taken."
"Apparently, a life on the sea
is no place for someone as chronically fragile as me."

On the second day out, his misfortune did grow.
"Cause I suffered from nausea and vertigo."
He sustained several bruises, he lost a gold crown,
"And the victuals and grog that they served just refused to stay down."

He suffered all manner of infirmity,
From migraines to hemorrhoids to ADHD.
He was bloated and moody; his skin was a mess.
"If I didn't know better, I'd swear that I had PMS."

Singing, "Yo Ho, a professional sailor
would sooner be keelhauled than use an inhaler."
Apparently, a life on the sea
is no place for someone who's quite as
neurotically, totally hopelessly, chronically fragile as Steve.

He could not rob and pillage along with the crew,
so the captain, he gave him some filing to do.
"But it did not take long till I did succumb
to a really bad case of the old Carpal Tunnel Synd-rum."

"By the end of the week, all me maties could tell,
me career as a pirate wasn't going too well."
Seems the crew took a vote when Steve wasn't around,
and decided that nobody would miss him too much if he drowned.

Singing, Yo Ho, two hundred demerits,
if the captain finds out you're allergic to parrots.
Apparently, a life on the sea
is no place for someone who's quite as pathetically, latent obsessive-compulsive, neurotically, totally hopelessly, chronically fragile as as Steve.

He escaped just in time, we are pleased to report.
"Though me plank-walkin' fate, I did barely abort."
Steve washed out as a pirate upon the high seas,
"So now I confine all me pirating to MP3s"

Singing, "Yo Ho, I got such a flogging,
when Britney Spears a-was caught catalogin'."
Apparently, a life on the sea
is no place for someone who's quite as consistently, brutally, desperately, clinically, utterly, truly pathetically, latent obsessive-compulsive, neurotically, totally hopelessly, chronically fragile as as Steve.
(cosumel)
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Current Rating 9.8 (1 vote)
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