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Song Details
Rank this week: 31 (↓31)
Duration: 3:29 
Release Date: 1985  (sav-man) 
Lyrics By: Bobby Russell (sav-man) 
Music By: Bobby Russell (sav-man) 
Produced By: Ray Stevens (sav-man) 
Released By: MCA Records (sav-man) 
Published By:
Licensing: ASCAP  #310246758 
Keywords:
Reviews:
Facts:
  • Catchy, fun, underrated satire on football fanatics. From Ray's 1985 album I HAVE RETURNED. (sav-man)
  • Song Lyrics:
    ARMCHAIR QUARTERBACK
    Writer B. Russell

    Well, the season's finally here and the players hit the field and every man feels like a boy and every wife could kill. He's been buying beer since August. Running hot and running cold and thirty friends are on alert... that's all the den will hold! He's the Armchair Quarterback; he's full of beer and full of snacks. The all-American man, with a cool one in his hand. The Armchair Quarterback; he's kind of fun and kind of fat. The all-American man, with a cool one in his hand. Now if you stand and block the screen, you may just lose your life and that goes for all thirty friends and the thirty friends' wives. Then the den falls silent, we just need a yard or two. They wouldn't change that channel now if the Rockettes came on nude. The announcer agrees with the referee but the den does not at all. And thirty fists are clenched in hate and pound upon the wall. Why any fool could see he made that first down when he dived! If Howard Cosell came in now, he'd never get out alive. 'Cause he's the Armchair Quarterback; he's full of beer and full of snacks. The all-American man, with a cool one in his hand. The wives are all disgusted and they're meeting in the yard on their way to wear the numbers off our credit cards (shop, shop, shop) He's got his six year old son, Billy, sittin' on the floor. Watching college wrap-up and writing down the scores. There stands uncle Andy bending empty cans. "For God sakes, Andy, get that cool one out of Billy's hand!". Well, what do you know, it's halftime. Where's the bathroom? Tell me, please. Don't go outside, 'cause the neighbors dog bites everything he sees. Well, if they make it through the Super Bowl, well, she'll be happy then, 'cause she'll get back her TV and he'll give up the den. He'll be tired and incoherent and he will not know his name. But he'll lift one eyelid just to say, "Wake me up for the ol' score game!" with a cool one in his hand. Broken pretzels in the rug. The beer cans could be worse. She'll clean it up tomorrow and dread September first when once again...ha ha... The season's finally here and the players hit the field. And every man feels like a boy and every wife could kill. He's been buying beer since August running hot and running cold. And thirty friends are on alert...that's all the den will hold. He's the Armchair Quarterback; he's full of beer and full of snacks. The all-American man, with a cool one in his hand. Yeah, the Armchair Quarterback; he's kind of fun and kind of fat. The all-American man, with a cool one in his hand. (repeat and fade)
    (holymosie)
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    Current Rating 6.9 (2 votes)
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    Song samples are provided for information purposes only and are intended to enable the users to sample the music (as they are in very low quality) before they take the decision of purchasing the music. This right is expressly permitted under "Fair Use" as nonprofit educational purposes only. The ownership of the copyright of the songs rests with the respective owners.

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