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Song Details
Duration: 4:55 
Release Date: 2/7/1970  (Shalom) 
Lyrics By: William H Cosby Jr. (Shalom) 
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Released By: Universal City Records (Shalom) 
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  • originally released on LP "Live From Madison Square Garden Center" (Shalom)
  • Song Lyrics:
    I had the pleasure of working with a great, great cat, Ray Charles; I worked with him up in Reno. And, I got to tell you this story, because, some people have their thoughts of what stars are like, like you never make a mistake or something like that.

    But: Have you ever been in a position where you were saying something and you knew that it was dumb. What you were saying was totally, without question, just *dumb*. And, as you got halfway through it, your brain said, "Dumb, dumb, dumb!" But your mouth just kept rattling it off, so you finished it? Well, that's what this little thing is about, happened to Yours Truly.

    Ray worked for me in Reno, but it doesn't necessarily mean that I made more money than he. I paid him like three-fourths of my check! Just to have Ray Charles working with me, round Christmas time, because I didn't want to be home for the Christmas presents. Now those of you who have some kids here, even Santa Clause is now like commuterized and everything. And he takes care of business as far as he wants to go, then he leaves it up to the elves, you dig? The way I'm going? In case there's some kids out there.

    So, Christmas before last, I was home. Santa Claus dropped off a table and some chairs, and a baby coach. For my kids, you dig? So, I opened up the box, and I started to put the coach together. Now the directions -- ain't nothing wrong with the directions. The directions are beautiful, IF -- you have everything there! Now there's a couple of Santa's helpers are really sick. Because I got a feeling, while they're puttin' it all together, they're saying "Aha! Let's see him put *that* coach together with one wheel, ha ha ha!" So I stayed up till four o'clock in the morning! And I drove out to Santa's workshop, beat up his helpers, and took three wheels! You dig? And put the coach together, took me like nine hours to put it together, and took my daughters thirty seconds to bust it up. Put the 130-pound German shepherd in it and he went downhill in the thing; hit a tree and crash, everything just running all over. So I said to myself, I'm not gonna be puttin' these things together Christmas Eve. So I booked myself up at Harrah's Tahoe, see, and I said "What can I give myself for a present?" and I asked Ray Charles' agent what he wanted. And then, after I woke up, when he gave me the price, I said "Okay, I'll take it, it's worth it. It's worth that amount of money not to have to put those toys together."

    So, I called Ray, I said "Ray, I have your check." So Ray said, "Bring it on up to the room." So I was tickled about that, and I go up, and I knock on his door, and Ray says, "Come in," and I walk in.

    Now, the lights . . . are *out*.

    It's *pitch* *black* in this apartment.

    And I said, "Ray, where are you?"

    He said, "I'm in the bathroom. Shaving."

    So I said . . . "Well Ray, why are you shaving, in the dark . . . " [audience starts laughing] And I tried to stop it right there, --

    But the rest of it just came ". . . WITH THE LIGHTS OUT?!" And just said "Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumdum diddley doo dumb dodo." Brainless human being. Never dawned on me! Just walked right in, "Why are you shaving with the lights out, Ray? You're going to cut yourself. I do it with the lights on!"

    Ray was very nice about it, and he just turned around and he said, "Man," he said, "I been shavin' in the dark all my life."

    So then I tried to cover it up. "Oh, I was just jokin' Ray, I was just, ha, I was just foolin' around, ha ha, 'cause I knew you'd shave with the lights out. Betcha have a low electric bill, ha ha ha," and all that. He said, "No, I do it with an electric razor."

    But it was just one o' those things. I felt about that big. Here he is, Charley Smart. 14 IQ, gonna come in, upright, and discover the world.

    Of course, I played chess with this cat. No, this is the truth, I played chess with him. The man is vicious on the chessboard. I'm a glandular player. By "glandular" I mean, if you take my queen, first three moves, I will turn the board over.
    (Shalom)
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