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Song Details
Duration: 4:09 
Release Date: 1976  (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Lyrics By: Eric Idle (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Music By: Eric Idle (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Produced By: Nancy Lewis (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Released By: Arista AB 4076 (Stavro Arrgolus) 
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Facts:
  • The 'Bruce's Philosopher's Song' that this part of the stage act was built around was written by Eric Idle. (Stavro Arrgolus)
  • Song Lyrics:
    (Python 'Bruces' come on stage. Greetings all around)

    Eric Idle:Good evening, Ladies and Bruces.
    Michael Palin: How are you all?
    Idle: Bruce, Bruce, Bruce, Bruce, and myself have come to sing you a little song about our line of work. We're all from God's own country. Australia, land of sunshine and sharks. And we all work in the philosophy department of the University of Woolamaloo. And we'd like to sing you...
    Idle (to Palin): Thank you very much indeed, Bruce.
    Palin: And you, too, Bruce. I think we have some old Woolomolooians in tonight.
    Idle: I think they're all here, Bruce.
    Palin: Have you got some Foster's in the eskie for 'em there, Bruce? Lovely. Hand it out. Plenty more where that came from.
    Idle: See, if you're nice to us, you get beer. We'd like to sing you a little song now, goes something like this...

    Immanuel Kant was a real pissant
    Who was very rarely stable
    Heidegger, Heidegger was a boozy beggar
    Who could think you under the table
    David Hume could out-consume
    Schopenhauer and Hegel
    And Wittgenstein was a beery swine
    Who was just as schloshed as Schlegel.

    There's nothing Nietzsche couldn't teach ya
    'Bout the raising of the wrist
    Socrates, himself, was permanently pissed

    John Stuart Mill, of his own free will,
    On half a pint of shandy was particularly ill.
    Plato, they say, could stick it away
    Half a crate of whiskey every day
    Aristotle, Aristotle was a bugger for the bottle
    Hobbes was fond of his dram,
    And René Descartes was a drunken fart
    'I drink, therefore I am.'

    Yes, Socrates, himself, is particularly missed,
    A lovely little thinker,
    But a bugger when he's pissed

    (Congrats all around)
    Idle: Since that went so well, I think we'll do it again.
    Terry Jones: Why don't you ask all the Bruces and Sheilas out there to join in?
    Palin: Well, that's fine, but they don't know the words, do they Bruce?
    Jones: How are we going to do this?
    Palin: You have something in your sweaty pocket here, Bruce...Jesus Christ! It's got something written on it. (Holds up a small piece of paper to the audience)
    Idle: Right, now we're all going to sing along now.
    Palin: Sing along.
    Idle: On the tune..

    Immanuel Kant was a real pissant who was very...

    Idle: It's not going too well there, Bruce.
    Palin: I seem to spot a certain lack of alacrity there, Bruce.
    Idle: I think this smart, suave New York audience is not joining us in here, Bruce. Look, we're going to try it once more and anybody not singing will have a bottle of Foster's lobbed at their heads! Right, Bruce, bring in the words! (bigger words are brought on stage- unintelligible Bruce chatter) Idle: No, there's no excuse. Are you ready? Put some guts into it. Come on now...
    (slower and with the audience)

    Immanuel Kant was a real pissant
    Who was very rarely stable
    Heidegger, Heidegger was a boozy beggar
    Who could think you under the table
    David Hume could out-consume
    Schopenhauer and Hegel
    And Wittgenstein was a beery swine
    Who was just as schloshed as Schlegel

    There's nothing Nietzsche couldn't teach ya
    'Bout the raising of the wrist
    Socrates, himself, was permanently pissed.

    John Stuart Mill, of his own free will,
    On half a pint of shandy was particularly ill
    Plato, they say, could stick it away
    Half a crate of whiskey every day
    Aristotle, Aristotle was a bugger for the bottle
    Hobbes was fond of his dram,
    And René Descartes was a drunken fart
    'I drink, therefore I am.'

    Yes, Socrates, himself, is particularly missed,
    A lovely little thinker,
    But a bugger when he's pissed

    Idle: Well done..
    (Stavro Arrgolus)
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