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  • Parody of "Peace On Earth / The Little Drummer Boy" done by Bing Crosby and David Bowie (Dave AuJus)
  • Song Lyrics:

    Hello. Are you Bing Crosby?

    Oh son, unfortunately old dear Bingo he passed away some time ago. I'm just an incredibly charming simulation.

    Oh right! Hiding out like that Elvis fellow. Don't worry, Bingo. Your secret's safe with me.
    Hmm. Let me get the door now.
    Well, my name is Roach.
    Perhaps you have heard of my band, Vomit?
    No, I don't believe I have.

    Oh, do you like death metal music?
    Oh certainly, it's marvelous. Some of that contemporary stuff is really, really fine. So tell me. Do you ever listen to any of us old fellows?
    Oh you mean like Ozzy and Judas Priest and stuff?
    Oh so you go back that far huh?
    Oh yeah, yeah. I'm not as young as I look.
    I'll let you in on a little secret Bing. This ain't my real hair. It's a fake
    Why that is Marvelous! It's amazing what they do with those synthetics these days.
    And I got a whole closet of this young stuff at home. I got plugs and extensions, collagen implants. I've even got a red and green mistletoe codpiece that I wear on stage at Christmas time.
    How traditional! So I guess you and your boys you go in for all of the holiday stuff this time of year.

    Oh yeah, yeah. Big light shows, pyrotechnics, animal sacrifice.
    You too, huh? I love slicing up the turkey and stringing up the lights.And throwing a Yule log on the fire. I tell you, that's how you get that holiday spirit.
    Say, Bing, speaking of spirits, have you got anything around here besides this orange juice?
    Oh I catch your drift Sergeant. What say we march over here to the corner and rustle up a little holiday cheer for you?
    Well step right over this way, son. We'll investigate the libations on tap, as it were.
    I believe I know the way, Bing.

    Are you ready?
    I'm born ready.
    Allow me.

    Come I'll pour you some rum pum pum pum
    A drink with Bing will warm my tummy tum tum
    You're gonna get a little portly.
    Excellent, Bing.

    Our finest crystal clinks pah rum pum pum pum - Rum pum pum pum
    Watch out for the rug

    Oh never mind. The dog's already stained it anyway.
    Now be careful son that is 151
    Open the mouth over the gums
    Don't drink so fast that would be dummy dumb dumb
    Look out liver, here it comes.
    I've poured a fifth for him it's practically gone
    Is that all you got?
    It was the finest blend of virgin dark rum
    Rum is all done
    Rum is all gone

    Oh, that's a spot of bad news, Bing.
    Easy now, Chester, my boy. That's some pretty strong stuff. With no Minute Maid in there, this is high Octane we're talking about.

    Bartender a round on me
    Here's to you and cheers to me
    Keep the Bacardi flowing
    Right this way I need a refill
    Hit me please hit me glass again
    Peace on earth

    Hey, how about a steaming hot cup of black coffee?
    I've gotta pee.
    Now Chester, my boy, looks like you've already let the cat out of the bladder.

    He gotta pee.

    Well the handy mop's over there in the closet. You think you can handle that? Thank you, very much. Hey, what was the name of that band of yours again?


    Oh! Oh, yeah, I remember.
    Sorry about your shoes.

    (Dave AuJus)
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