Gimme 12 Steps by Bob Rivers

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Gimme 12 Steps
By: Bob Rivers

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Parody of “Gimme Three Steps” by Lynyrd Skynyrd (Dave AuJus)

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I was facing the judge for possession of drugs
'Cause I was drivin' while I was stewed
When in walked a man with a coin in his hand
And said please don't prosecute
He said hey fair fellow with the brains made of Jell-O
Wipe that barf off your shoes
Cause there's a program out there for the liquor impaired
And it might just be for you

I said, "excuse me?"

Oh won't you give me twelve steps
Give me twelve steps your honor
Take my first step toward the door
Give me twelve steps
Give me twelve steps your honor
And you'll never hear me slur no more

Thank-you your honor you're not going to regret this. I swear I am going to straighten up and fly right. Since I won't be driving apparently

Well the fog went away when I had 90 days
Of drinkin' soda pop and nothing more
And I'm tellin' you son well it ain't much fun
Stayin' straight is a full time chore
But each night I dream about Big Bamboo
And getting baked like I did before
And you can smell me dreaming a mile away
'Cause I was slamin' 'em as fast as they poured

Won't you give me twelve shots
Give me six two fisters
When they're done you can pour some more
They gave me twelve steps
Gave me twelve steps mister
Now I only party when I snore

Ok Tommy I got just enough time for seven more before the alarm goes off. Ok. You know it's a good thing this is a dream 'cause I got to take a little pee test in the morning and I'm down to my last pair of dry shoes.

Hey wait a minute. Where are you guys going? Is it closing time already? I just got started. Hey hey!

Another morning. Oh, 91 days. Alright. Oh! I gotta be at flight school in a half an hour. I better get walkin'. Oh lookie, dry shoes. I love 'em.

(Dave AuJus)

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