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Song Details
Rank this week: 17 (↑27)
Duration: 2:36 
Release Date: 1973  (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Lyrics By: Monty Python (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Music By: N/A (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Produced By: Jacquemin/Howman/Gilliam (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Released By: Charisma/Arista (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Published By: Kay-Gee-Bee Music Ltd. (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Licensing: BMI  #1928933 
Keywords: POLICE, RELIGION 
Reviews:
Facts:
  • Sketch from Episode 29 of Monty Python's Flying Circus (peterpuck9)
  • Song Lyrics:
    (A kitchen. A man [Eric Idle] and woman [Terry Jones] listening to the radio.)

    Radio Voice: I would like to ask the team what they would do if they were Hitler.
    Man's Voice: Gerald?
    Another Voice: Well, I'd annex the Sudetenland and sign a non-aggression pact with Russia.
    First Man's Voice: Norman?
    Norman's Voice (gay): Well, I'd do the Reichstag bathroom in purples and golds and ban abortion on demand.

    Woman: (switching the radio off) Liberal rubbish. Klaus? What do you want with your jugged fish?
    Man: Halibut.
    Woman: The jugged fish is halibut.
    Man: What fish have you got that isn't jugged, then?
    Woman: Rabbit.
    Man: What? Rabbit fish?
    Woman: Yes. It's got fins.
    Man: Is it dead?
    Woman: Well, it was coughing up blood last night.
    Man: All right I'll have the dead unjugged rabbit fish.

    VOICE (Carol Cleveland): 'ONE DEAD UNJUGGED RABBIT FISH LATER'

    Man: Well, that was really horrible.
    Woman: You're always complaining.
    Man: What's for afters?
    Woman: Well, there's rat cake, rat sorbet, rat pudding, or strawberry tart.
    Man: Strawberry tart?!
    Woman: Well, it's got some rat in it.
    Man: How much?
    Woman: Three. Rather a lot really.
    Man: Well, I'll have a slice without so much rat in it.

    VOICE: 'ONE SLICE OF STRAWBERRY TART WITHOUT SO MUCH RAT IN IT LATER'

    Man: Appalling.
    Woman: Moan, moan, moan.

    (Son [Graham Chapman] enters)

    Son: Hello, mum, hello, dad.
    Man: Hello, son.
    Son: There's a dead bishop on the landing.
    Woman: Where did that come from?
    Son: What do you mean?
    Woman: What's its diocese?
    Son: Well it looked a bit Bath and Wellsish to me.
    Man: I'll go and have a look. (goes out)
    Woman: I don't know who keeps bringing them in here.
    Son: Well it's not me.
    Woman: I've put three out by the bin and the dustmen won't touch 'em.
    Man: (coming back) Leicester.
    Woman: How do you know?
    Man: Tattooed on the back of his neck. I'm going to call the police.
    Woman: Shouldn't you call the Church?
    Son: Call the Church police.
    Man: Right. (shouts) The Church police!

    (Enter two policemen dressed partly as priests )

    Church Policeman (Michael Palin): Yus!
    Woman: There's another dead bishop on the landing.
    Church Policeman: Suffragan or diocesan?
    Woman: How should I know?
    Church Policeman: It's tattooed on the back of their necks. Ere! Is that rat tart?
    Woman: Yes.
    Church Policeman: Disgusting. Right! The hunt is on. (kneels) Oh Lord, we beseech thee...tell us who croaked Leicester.

    (Organ music. A huge hand descends and points at Idle.)

    Man: All right, it's a fair cop, but society is to blame.
    Church Policeman: Agreed.
    Man: I would like the three by the bin to be taken into consideration.
    Church Policeman: Right. And now, I'd like to conclude this arrest with a hymn.

    All: (singing) And did those feet in ancient times walk upon England's mountains green. (church police arrest the man) And was the holy lamb of God on England's pleasant pastures seen.
    (Stavro Arrgolus)
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    Current Rating 9.5 (2 votes)
    Played on 4 shows:
    01-19-13, #AOTA-13011907-30-78, #78-23
    08-08-82, #82-3206-01-75, #48
    = Show you can listen to online
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