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Song Details
Please Do Something Spiteful 
By: Randy Hoffman
Play Song (Creative Commons License):
Click Here for a Free Download of this song at 128k
Duration: 2:12 
Release Date: 3/23/2009  (DJ Particle) 
Lyrics By: W. Randy Hoffman (peterpuck9) 
Music By: Carla Ulbrich (peterpuck9) 
Produced By:
Released By:
Published By:
Licensing: CC 
Song Lyrics:
"Please Do Something Spiteful"
New lyrics written by and ©2003 W. Randy Hoffman
Music from "Please Do Something Stupid" by Carla Ulbrich,
©1999 A Major Record Label (ASCAP), used by permission,

I could always find a reason to a girl not to get close
She was nasty, whiny, flighty, or had chains pegged to her nose
But you are kind and gracious; I kinda like you, I confess
You might deign to talk to me, and that scares me half to death

[Body of chorus:]
Won't you please do something spiteful, before I act the fool
If you want to spare my feelings, it's the least that you could do
The perfect girl would rock my world,
[First chorus ending:]
But I'm sure that can't be you
So won't you please do something spiteful, before I act the fool?

When you smiled at me, I did not detect a sneer
You did not pour it all over me when I purchased you a beer
You have not elucidated a little list of what I lack
You haven't called me "lardboy," or laughed behind my back
You haven't strung me on a line to bleed my meager wealth
The looks you give me aren't reserved for centipedes and filth

[Body of chorus]
[Second chorus ending:]
I can dream, but that ain't you
So won’t you please do something spiteful, before I act the fool?

Ladies always find it easy to scrape me off their heels
I've resigned myself to satellite TV and two-minute nuke-'em meals
Why'd you have to be accepting? Why'd you have to be so great?
My tortured hopes will crash and burn when I ask you for a date
I don't have a chance with cheerleaders, or women with designer shoes,
Or anyone named Lucinda who won't answer to Lucy or Lu
You are none of the above, but I still wish you'd make me go
If you give me half the time of day, I'll break down and say "hello"

[Body of chorus]
[Third chorus ending:]
And I'm afraid that might be you
So won't you please do something spiteful, before I act the --
[spoken:] Merciful Murgatroyd, you’re beautiful! Will you bear me and marry my children?!...
Too late.


Lyrics courtesy of
Current Rating 8.5 (1 vote)
Played on 1 show:
03-27-09, #MMDT20_09-13
= Show you can listen to online
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