"If I Had A Rocket Launcher"
parody of "If I Had A Million Dollars" by Barenaked Ladies (Stephen
Page, Ed Robertson)
New lyrics by Ian Bonds and Jared Ringold
 
If I had a rocket launcher (If I had a rocket launcher)
Well, I'd pwn me some n00bs (I would pwn me some n00bs)
And if I had a rocket launcher (If I had a rocket launcher)
I'd pwn n00bs universally in games (Not just in Halo or in Call of Duty)
And if I had a rocket launcher (If I had a rocket launcher)
Well, I'd beat all of my games (And probably some of your games as well)
And if I had a rocket launcher
I'd win at Pong
 
If I had a Rocket Launcher (I wouldn't have to cheat anymore)
If I had a Rocket Launcher (Rocket fire would really even the score)
If I had a Rocket Launcher (Maybe I could use a rocket to finally win
at Tetris someday)
 
You know, why do you have to always wait for that one long thing to
appear to get four lines eliminated?  Why not wipe out ALL the lines
with a well placed missile?  And since it's a Russian game, you can
say something clever like..."Dosvidanya, komrade."
 
If I had a rocket launcher (If I had a rocket launcher)
Well, I'd clear traffic in Frogger (But not clear real traffic, that's cruel)
And if I had a rocket launcher (If I had a rocket launcher)
Well, I'd exterminate in Centipede (Yep, sauté mushrooms or that spider)
And if I had a rocket launcher (If I had a rocket launcher)
Well, I'd win in John Madden's games (Ooh, put some heat on my shotgun pass)
And if I had a rocket launcher
I'd fry Q*bert!
 
If I had a rocket launcher (defeating Pokémon isn't hard)
If I had a rocket launcher (Got me a heat seeking Charizard)
If I had a rocket launcher (I wouldn't have to use that blue shell)
 
But we'd still use the blue shell.  Of course we would. But it sucks
how it seeks out whoever is in first place, but if you have it, then
somehow YOU get into first place...then launch it, you take yourself
out!  Mario Kart is so damn VIOLENT!
 
If I had a rocket launcher (Instead of a fire flower)
Well, I'd fry me a goomba (but not a real goomba, that's cruel)
And if I had a rocket launcher (or the Triforce of Power)
Well, I'd rescue the princess (Peach, Zelda or Pauline)
And if I had a rocket launcher (If I had a rocket launcher)
Well, I'd take out an ape named Donkey (Haven't you always hated that monkey?)
And if I had a rocket launcher
I'd beat Bowser!
 
If I had a Rocket Launcher (If I had a Rocket Launcher)
If I had a Rocket Launcher (If I had a Rocket Launcher)
If I had a Rocket Launcher (If I had a Rocket Launcher)
You'd be dead