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Song Details
Duration: 1:37 (Plastic Bastards) 
Release Date:
Lyrics By: Patrick Burns a.k.a. Will Wonkers & Eugene Chiovari a.k.a. Ned Nugent (Plastic Bastards) 
Music By: Dice & Patrick Burns a.k.a. Will Wonkers & Eugene Chiovari a.k.a. Ned Nugent (Plastic Bastards) 
Produced By: Patrick Burns a.k.a. Will Wonkers & Eugene Chiovari a.k.a. Ned Nugent (Plastic Bastards) 
Released By:
Published By:
Licensing:
Keywords: GOD AWFUL, HIDEOUS, JOHN, SOAP, THE PLASTIC BASTARDS, THE PLASTIC NEO-PSEUDO FASCIST BASTARDS, TOILET 
Reviews:
Facts:
  • As the recording of this song progressed, it was decided that it would be a segue song to lead into our cover of the Scooby Doo theme song, both of which were to be on the album “We Shot The New Kids On The Block”. But unfortunately at that time we could not secure the rights for Scooby Doo, so both songs were left off of that album. (Plastic Bastards)
  • When recording this song, it was decided that the Bastards wanted to make this the worst possible song it could be. So when recording each track, they laid them down all slightly out of sync with each other. That is to say, that when recording each part (drums, 2 guitars, bass, acoustic, lead and both vocals) they used a slight delay, for each track. Each one having it's own varying delay time. And the lead guitar was played by Will, and as he was playing, Ned slowly de-tuned the strings as the lead progressed. Then when the 2 track stereo master was made, the right and left were also laid down slightly our of sync with each other. (Plastic Bastards)
  • This song was also written on a bet with the manager of The Plastic Bastards. The bet was that The Bastards couldn't write a song from the first words out of the mouth of the next person who spoke. ... Well, Will Wonkers thought that would be a great breakpoint in the debate to take a bathroom break. So he got up and announced "Excuse me while I go to the john", Will, and Ned both stopped and then smiled at each other, looked at their manager, Mr. Kincaid, smiled at him. Ned picked up a pen, Will went to the john, and by the time the last flush was heard, the lyrics were half written! (Plastic Bastards)
  • The music for this song was written with dice! One die had the chords; the other die determined if it was a sharp, flat or natural. (Plastic Bastards)
  • Song Lyrics:
    EXCUSE ME WHILE I GO TO THE JOHN
    Copyright © 1989
    by The Plastic Bastards (a.k.a. The Plastic Neo Pseudo Fascist Bastards)

    Excuse me while I go to the john
    Don't mind me I do it often
    I bet you think that I'm jacking off
    But I don't really care
    Cuz I steal soap

    Soap in the morning
    Soap in the evening
    Soap in my head to keep my mind clean
    Soap for breakfast
    Soap for lunch
    Soap in my head to keep my mind fresh

    From the Hilton
    Uhh!
    Howard Johnsons
    Uhh!
    And the Regency too
    O'Hare
    And from the air
    United Airlines to boot

    Soap in the morning
    Soap in the evening
    Toothpaste is soap and it keep my mouth clean
    Soap for breakfast
    Soap for lunch
    Soap in my head to keep my mind fresh

    Ah haaaa ahhhh

    Soap in the morning
    Soap in the evening
    Soap in my head to keep my mind clean
    Soap for breakfast
    Soap for lunch
    Soap on my TV?

    (spoken)
    General Hospital!?
    Oh man change the channel.
    (click)
    Hey dude look! It's Scooby Doo!
    Oh wow I'll get the popcorn
    All right!
    What do you think our next song should be, man?
    I don't know...
    (Plastic Bastards)
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