The Neighborhood Sex Offender by Dave Guhlow

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The Neighborhood Sex Offender
By: Dave Guhlow

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THE NEIGHBORHOOD SEX OFFENDER

My real estate agent was beaming
I’ve got a house perfect for you
Some nice hardwood floors
Some lovely French doors
And a big picture window
Just look at that view
But when I moved in much later
I couldn’t believe what I saw
There was my brand new neighbor
Waving at me in the raw

He’s the neighborhood sex offender
And he lives in the house right next door
He’s really quite nice
And he’s great with advice
You almost forget his convictions for vice
He’ll always invite you over
But don’t ever look in his drawers
He’s the neighborhood sex offender
And he lives in the house right next door

One morning I had to borrow
Some tools to clean out my drains
He said, help yourself
They’re right there on the shelf
And that’s when I noticed
The whips and the chains
He volunteers every evening
To go on the neighborhood watch
But all that he ever looks at
Is stare right at somebody’s crotch

Cause he’s the neighborhood sex offender
And he lives in the house right next door (how convenient)
I don’t really know if he owns or he rents
I’ll ask him the next time he peeks through the fence
He cares about everybody
And all of the kids he adores
He’s the neighborhood sex offender
And he lives in the house right next door
Yes, he lives in the house right next door

Knock knock
(Dave Guhlow)

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Played on 1 show:
	04-11-15, #ISGD-15-15
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(Dave Guhlow)

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