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Song Details
Rank this week: 6 (↑38)
Duration: 3:13 (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Release Date: 1986  (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Lyrics By: John Lloyd/Peter Brewis (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Music By: John Lloyd/Peter Brewis (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Produced By: Philip Pope (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Released By: Central TV/Virgin (Stavro Arrgolus) 
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  • Ah- another one of these. Awful lot of vitriol in these British anti-apartheid ditties from the '80s. For it's time, which, thankfully, is long past, the views expressed are the correct ones. But as editor of this site, I'm always concerned that the very young and/or the clueless will look at the title and lyrics of something like this and get the wrong idea about it. So just to reiterate: This is an anti-apartheid song; very politically correct for it's time. While I usually have nothing but contempt for PC, in the right context, it's just fine and this one expressed a sentiment that damn near everyone felt at the time. (Stavro Arrgolus)
  • Song Lyrics:
    I've Never met A Nice South African - sung by Spitting Image

    I've travelled this old world of ours from Barnsley to Peru
    I've had sunshine in the arctic and a swim in Tinbuktu
    I've seen unicorns in Burma and a Yeti in Nepal
    And I've danced with ten foot pygmies in a Montezuma hall
    I've met the King of China and a working Yorkshire miner
    But I've never met a nice South African.

    No, he's never met a nice South African
    And that's not bloody surprising man
    'Cause we're a bunch of arrogant bastards
    Who hate black people

    I once got served in Woolies aften less than four week's wait
    I had lunch with Rowan Atkinson when he paid and wasn't late
    I know a public swimming bath where they don't **** in the pool
    I know a guy who got a job straight after leaving school
    I've met a normal merman and a fairly modest German
    But I've never met a nice South African.

    No, he's never met a nice South African
    And that's not bloody surprising man
    'Cause we're a bunch of talentless murderers
    Who smell like baboons

    I've had a close encounter of the twenty-second kind
    That's when an alien spaceship disappears up your behind
    I got directory enquiries after less than forty rings
    I've even heard a decent song by Paul McCartney's Wings
    I've seen a flying pig in a quite convincing wig
    But I've never met a nice South African.

    No, he's never met a nice South African
    And that's not bloody surprising man
    'Cause we're a bunch of ignorant loudmouths
    With no sense of humour - ha ha

    I've met the Loch Ness monster and he looks like Fred Astaire
    At the BBC in London, he's the chief commissionaire
    I know a place in Glasgow which is rife with daffodillies
    I met a man in Katmandu who claimed to have two willies
    I've had a nice pot noodle but I've never had a poodle
    And I've never met a nice South African.

    No, he's never met a nice South African
    And that's not bloody surprising man
    Because we've never met one either
    Except for Breyten Breytenbach and he's emigrated to Paris. (farts)

    Yes, he's quite a nice South African
    And he's hardly ever killed anyone
    And he's not smelly at all.
    That's why they put him prison.
    (richards88)
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    Current Rating 5.0 (1 vote)
    Played on 3 shows:
    08-03-13, #AOTA-13080306-29-86, #KMET-86-26
    10-19-86, #KMET-86-42
    = Show you can listen to online
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