Mad Music - Arsenio Hall routine from "Comedy Tonight"

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Arsenio Hall routine from "Comedy Tonight"

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Lyrics:
For those of you that missed my name, my name is Arsenio. A very unique name for a black guy. In Greek it means 'Leroy', it's a nice name. Oh boy, I'm from Cleveland, Ohio, the "Mistake On The Lake". Good town, I... Can I get a ride home? Somebody back there from Cleveland. It's a good town, I went to a tough school in Cleveland, Charles Manson Senior High School. It's very hard to be a good student at that school, I mean, we even had tough cheerleaders. Our cheerleaders would give the visiting team a lot more to think about than the ball game, OK? They'd get the crowd a-clappin, could I get you to clap with me? Everybody put your hands together, everybody clap with me. These girls would come out and go into their routine: We don't give a heck about the scoreboard. We are still the stars. While y'all won the ball game. We stripped yo' cars. Now get... These are tough girls, thank you very much. Tough girls, I used to date one of 'em. Bubba Ann, she was a rough lady. Rough lady. I'm living out here in L.A. now, I got a nice apartment. I had a mouse in my apartment. How you ever noticed how polite and cute mice are? It's amazing. They come in your house, they don't bother anybody. They try to walk along the edge of the wall when they can, you ever notice that? They walk in, "No no no, keep watching TV, I'll be all right." They're so cute, right along the edge of the wall. I can appreciate that politeness. Because I've seen a rat before, OK. A rat is a totally different thing. Rat walks in your apartment, rag on his head, toothpick in his mouth, stack-heel shoes, "Say man, turn the TV off. Get up out that chair and go make me a baloney sandwich." Rats are totally different, they'll take your TV away from you, y'know. Strange. I love TV, I watch TV all the time. I watch soap operas. See, soap operas are great because they help guys learn to talk to women in discos and bars. I'm never at a loss for words, really. I walk right in and say, "'Scuse me, baby. D'you hear about what Erica did this morning?" Ladies love it. They love guys who watch soap operas. I just hate for women to get too deeply involved in soap operas. Some ladies do. Last time I went home my grandmother was sittin' on the couch with tears in her eyes and a gun in her hand. I said, "Grandma! What's wrong?" She said, "I just shot J.R." Y'know what I'm sayin'? Have you been listening to some of the new music lately? Like the Bee-Gees' music? I mean, oh, God! falsetto singing I say, "What did that guy say?" Sounds like they snorting helium before they come out.

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