Stavro Arrgolus [stav-row arr-go-luss]

1945 -

Status: Alive (barely)

"When gone am I, the last of the Jedi will you be."

Stavro is, indeed, the last of the (not at all vampiric) Arrgolus line and it will vanish when he (I) dies (anytime now). He is best known for the invention (in October, 1970) of the Type III Asphalt Aardvark™ (Big Butch Lesbian [BBL] Industries, starting at €140 MSRP), the ever popular smiling, grunting super-heavyweight lawn ornament that dispenses hot, driveway-sealing tar from its backside when you lift its tail. Available upgrades grant it mobility and limited AI which allows it to keep your yard free of annoying salesmen, religious people and small children...or even large children.

This is my main account used on this site - "there are many like it, but this one is mine". It possesses the magical admin, editor and moderator powers that are only occasionally used for evil. Does drop kicking Chinese spammers selling counterfeit brand name shoes count as evil? I'm thinking 'no'. Like the other accounts, this one was specialized. It was originally used only for music sites - and still is. It just kind of got away from me here and evolved into something more.

Tyro Arrgula [tie-row arr-gyoo-lah]

1965 - 1989 (Age: 52 ...cumulatively)

Status: Dead

"No sir. I don't like it."

Newest member of the Arrgula vampire clan. Cornish son of Viscount Vyslo Arrgula, young (comparatively) nephew of Stavro Arrgolus and inventor [in June, 1985] of the Cement Civet Cat™ (Big Butch Lesbian Industries, €17.50 MSRP). The inanimate cat's most famous use (making coffee from its crap) is one of the most disgusting things invented by the Arrgula vampires - after all, they do not drink...coffee. The date of the invention is notable as Tyro is the only 'inventor' in his clan to create his amusing inanimate animal tchotchke while he was alive. Both the Stone Stoat™ and the infamous Rubber Hamster™ were invented hundreds of years into their respective creator's vampirism.

Or so says the bio in my copy of The Sims 2 Nightlife and The Sims 3 Late Night expansion packs. On this site, the account bearing this name was created exclusively to provide a non-admin view in order to test new site functions and to check the function of malfunctioning functions that become dysfunctional. Elsewhere, it's used on sites that don't fit the categories of the other personas, each of which has a site specialty.

On The Mad Music Show, Tyro will often replace his uncle Stavro as host  - and, like the other vampires, be especially critical of his uncle's snide, curmudgeonly delivery as host. The main difference being that, unlike the other vampires, he doesn't affect a stupid accent to annoy Stavro. Though he did have a heavy Cornish accent when he was alive. Apparently, when vampirism sets in, the undead suddenly sound like Canadian voice actors. Go figure.

Viscount Vyslo Arrgula [vi-kownt veez-low arr-gyou-lah]

1105 - 1175 (Age: Very old indeed)

Status: Dead

"Mmm, Type AB!... PFFT! I said body temperature!"

Last of the Dark Age Vampires. Father of Tyro Arrgula, great uncle of Stavro Arrgolus and best known, in modern times, anyway, as the inventor [in May, 1928] of the infamous Rubber Hamster™ (Big Butch Lesbian [BBL] Industries, €2.50 MSRP). The Viscount possesses a "jovial maniac" sort of personality and is the only one of the Arrgula vampires with any kind of accent. Since they're all European, all of them should have one, but only Vyslo seems to. It's clearly fake. I think he sports it just to be a smartass. That's why I do most things, after all.

During the site's reconstruction in Fall 2010, page loading would often grind to a halt for my main account, making navigation impossible. It was determined that the admin statuses were responsible for this problem. There was too much control information to load for each page. The creation of a non-admin editor account at least partially solved the problem. Viscount Vyslo to the rescue...

This internet persona is usually used only for video related sites (that's the deal with all the 'v's in the name - oh, aren't we a clever clox?). Because of this, it became needlessly confusing and so the alternate account was changed to 'Tyro Arrgula' after the fixes were completed.

Count Aarhus Arrgula [kownt arr-hoos arr-gyou-lah]

551 - 640 (Age: extremely old indeed)

Status: Dead

"Get the hell off my lawn, ya little bastards! And pull up your PANTS!"

Greatest of the Dark Age Vampires and progenitor of the Arrgula line. Father of Viscount Vyslo and great uncle of Stavro Arrgolus. Generally believed to have been born in what is now Denmark. Aside from the usual atrocities so common in those days, in semi-modern times, he is best known for the invention of the Stone Stoat™ sometime toward the end of the 19th century.

Legend has it that the rocky vermin were created primarily to trip annoying life insurance solicitors who had started to appear at his castle in Northern Europe. The last thing a dead vampire (whoops, tautology!) needs is life insurance, so he began cleverly concealing the stoats on the grand cobblestone approach to his castle and drinking the salesmens' blood dry when they tripped on the well-concealed ersatz stoats and cracked their heads open on the path. This saved him some of the bother of going down into the town and getting the blood himself. ...The lazy bastard.

Salesmen are no less annoying now, but since the tripping tomfoolery just attracts lawsuits these days, tasers & pepper spray are preferred. And as we all know, in this day and age, stoats are made of zinc.

This persona is not used on this site. Like the Viscount Vyslo persona, it's used for a different type of site so I can remember what's what. However, the Count does make the occasional appearance on TMMS to screw with the format and generally make things less boring. Like his son, Viscount Vyslo, he also uses a fake accent - mainly to annoy "young Stavro."