JOBOB and the Republicrats

JOBOB and Velvet Dick Black, the founding members of the Republicrats, met in a Lee County Sheriff’s Department jail cell in 2004. JOBOB, in for public intoxication and VDB in for not making child support payments, soon discovered they were artists without bands. Forming an immediate partnership and calling themselves “The Republicrats”, the two began a five-year quest, spanning the globe to find other artists to join their band.

Their initial journey took them to Asia, where they discovered two former Siamese twins-turned Black Belt doorbell salesmen – Tang and Poon Wang. JOBOB and VDB stayed with the Wang brothers for a month, studying their secret “Yuck Fu” style martial art. VDB quickly took a liking to the style, and became a sixth degree black belt in twelve days – faster than any other student.

After another two weeks of eating nothing but rice, VDB had enough of that “Ying Yang s**t”, and suggested they travel back to the United States and scour the South in hopes of finding a Blues act – which they did. Visiting JOBOB’s ailing grand pappy at Creaky Bones Nursing Home in Tupelo Mississippi, they decided to stay for Mashed Meat night. They found that an old 1920’s blues act was performing that night on the shuffleboard court. It was that magical night in which they discovered Fuzzy Black Johnson and Stinky Brown Waters. The Republicrats were blown away by the style and skill of these two old codgers, and immediately offered them a spot on the team. The deal included a lifetime supply of fruit cocktail and gout medicine. FBJ and SBW signed in an instant.

Leaving Tupelo they traveled to Tijuana, Mexico (just east of the Equator and north of the Prime Meridian) and they recruited Jose Robert, the self proclaimed “All Night Sexican”, and his sidekick Pepe’ the Mute. Jose Robert studied for thirteen years under famed Latin lover Julio Eyeglasses, and had forty-four Top Ten hits – more than any other Latin singer in the history of TexMex music. After spending eleven months in Mexico, the crew decided that it was time to continue the quest.


Jose and Pepe’ had two friends in mind, and the crew quickly flew to Studio 69 in Schweix, Germany. After fighting the doormen and pulling scores of women away from the dance floor, they discovered Klaus and Helmut Schvantz. Klaus and Helmut had spent the last eight years running as German People Magazine’s Sexiest Male Models/Pop Stars. After thirty-two steins of warm German Bitburger, and turning down the roles of Kirk and Spock in the new Star Trek franchise, Klaus and Helmut signed on.

They flew to New York and stopped at a Nathan’s Famous (Klaus and Helmut had never tasted an American hot dog before) where they met Donnie Torino, Night Club Singer. Donnie had been performing on a Coney Island street corner for fifteen years and was tired of the daily grind of performing for hot dogs and Fanta. When The Republicrats offered him a life of adventure and copious amounts of hookers, Donnie made the jump. After they all rode the Cyclone, they decided it was time to leave.

The Republicrats then flew to Gawker, Australia on a recommendation of a friend. There they discovered The Boo Bighters, formerly an Australian Thompson Twins tribute band known as “Holden Me Now”. Made up of Lead singer Kirk Complaine and Guitarist/Bassist/Drummer Bobby Joe – who is the only man alive that is able to play all three instruments at once, The Boo Bighters had several hits on the Australian Rock charts. After JOBOB convinced them that they’d no longer have to eat Vegemite and Kangaroo Chips, they quickly signed on board and completed the band known as The Republicrats.

The Republicrats are always seeking new talent. Their next quest is surely to take them to the ends of the Earth….or at least to the West of the Sunset. (TobiasMoran)

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JOBOB and the Republicrats (TobiasMoran)

Jobob on MySpace Music - Free Streaming MP3s, Pictures & Music Downloads (TobiasMoran)

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Rusty Griswold

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