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Max DeGroot's Blog
Topic: Stephen Fry on copyrights
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Member Comments:
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fiogf49gjkf0d Judge: But if he's not dead, what's he doing in a coffin?
Counsel: Oh, it's purely a precaution m'lud - if I may continue? Mr Aidridge, you were a... you are a stockbroker of xo Savundra Close, Wimbledon. (from the coffin comes a bang) Mr Aidridge...
Judge: What was that knock?
Counsel: It means 'yes' m'lud. One knock for 'yes', and two knocks for 'no'. If I may continue? Mr Aidridge, would it be fair to say that you are not at all well? (from the coffin comes a bang) In fact Mr Aldridge, not to put too fine a point on it, would you be prepared to say that you are, as it were, what is generally known as, in a manner of speaking, 'dead'? (silence,' counsel listens;) Mr Aidridge I put it to you that you are dead. (silence) Ah ha!
Judge: Where is all this leading us?
Counsel: That will become apparent in one moment m'lud. (walking over to coffin) Mr Aidridge, are you considering the question or are you just dead? (silence) I think I'd better take a look m'lud. (he opens the coffin and looks inside) No further questions m'lud.
Judge: What do you mean, no further questions? You can't just dump a dead body in my court and say 'no further questions'. I demand an explanation.
Counsel: There are no easy answers in this case m'lud.
Judge: I think you haven't got the slightest idea what this case is about.
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fiogf49gjkf0d Clerk of the Court: The late Arthur Aidridge.
Judge: The late Arthur Aidridge?
Counsel: Yes m'lud.
(A coffin is brought into the court and laid across the witness box.)
Judge: Mr Bartlett, do you think there is any relevance in questioning the deceased?
Counsel: I beg your pardon m'lud.
Judge: Well, I mean, your witness is dead.
Counsel: Yes, m'lud. Er, ,well, er, virtually, m'lud.
Judge: He's not completely dead?
Counsel: No he's not completely dead m'lud. No. But he's not at all well.
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Stavro Arrgolus:
Counsel: My next witness will explain that if m'ludship will allow. I call the late Arthur Aidridge.
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fiogf49gjkf0d Counsel: My next witness will explain that if m'ludship will allow. I call the late Arthur Aidridge.
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fiogf49gjkf0d Good evening. Tonight on 'Is There' we examine the question, 'Is there a life after death?'. And here to discuss it are three dead people... The late Sir Brian Hardacre, former curator of the Imperial War Museum ... (superimposed captions identify them) the late Professor Thynne, until recently an academic, critic, and broadcaster ... and putting the view of the Church of England, the very late Prebendary Reverend Ross.
Gentlemen, is there a life after death or not?
Sir Brian? (silence) Professor? ... Prebendary?.... Well there we have it, three say no. On 'Is There' next week we'll be discussing the question 'Is there enough of it about?', and until then, goodnight.
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fiogf49gjkf0d Tonight we continue to look at some famous deaths. Tonight we start with the wonderful death of Genghis Khan, conqueror of India. Take it away Genghis.
(Cut to Genghis Khan's tent. Genghis strides about purposefully. Indian-style background music. Suddenly the music cuts out and Genghis Khan with a squawk throws himself in the air and lands on his back. Judges hold up cards with points on, in the manner of ice skating judges)
Takes me a moment sometimes.
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Bob Guest:
And now, the sound of John Denver being strangled...
You came on my pillo--w (gagging) (Choking)
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fiogf49gjkf0d Right, so that's two avocado, one quiche
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fiogf49gjkf0d And now, the sound of John Denver being strangled...
You came on my pillo--w (gagging) (Choking)
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fiogf49gjkf0d Er, quiche lorraine for me, please.
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fiogf49gjkf0d Ye-es ... Well there's two avocado vinaigrette here and what are you going to have Brian?
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fiogf49gjkf0d May I recommend the alligator purees.
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fiogf49gjkf0d You can't eat that raw!
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fiogf49gjkf0d You don't cook it!
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fiogf49gjkf0d Done. (hands over the money)
How d'you cook it?
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fiogf49gjkf0d Three quid.
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Bob Guest:
How much d'you want for it?
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fiogf49gjkf0d How much d'you want for it?
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fiogf49gjkf0d It was a bargain!
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Bob Guest:
A piston engine?
What would I buy that for?
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fiogf49gjkf0d A piston engine?
What would I buy that for?
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fiogf49gjkf0d Of course you don't get wafers or anything else with it. Wait a tick, how about a piston engine? Albatross!
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Bob Guest:
Do you get wafers, a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster, Spam, or a turnip shaped like a thingy with it?
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fiogf49gjkf0d Do you get wafers, a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster, Spam, or a turnip shaped like a thingy with it?
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fiogf49gjkf0d It's a bird, mate. It's a bloody bird! It's no bloody flavor. Albatross!
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Bob Guest:
What flavour is it?
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fiogf49gjkf0d What flavour is it?
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peterpuck9:
I haven't got any choc-ices, I just got this bloody albatross! Albatross!
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fiogf49gjkf0d I haven't got any choc-ices, I just got this bloody albatross! Albatross!
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Bob Guest:
Two choc-ices please.
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fiogf49gjkf0d Two choc-ices please.
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fiogf49gjkf0d Only half? I have to try harder. Albatross!!!
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Max DeGroot:
Why do half of the conversations around here end up being Monty Python and Black Adder quotes?
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fiogf49gjkf0d Hmm... sounds like somebody could use a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster.
Here's what the Encyclopedia Galactica has to say about alcohol. It says that alcohol is a colorless volatile liquid formed by the fermentation of sugars and also notes its intoxicating effect on certain carbon-based life forms.
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy also mentions alcohol. It says that the best drink in existence is the Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster. It says that the effect of drinking a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster is like having your brains smashed out by a slice of lemon wrapped round a large gold brick.
The Guide also tells you on which planets the best Pan Galactic Gargle Blasters are mixed, how much you can expect to pay for one and what voluntary organizations exist to help you rehabilitate afterwards.
...The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy sells rather better than the Encyclopedia Galactica.
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fiogf49gjkf0d Why do half of the conversations around here end up being Monty Python and Black Adder quotes?
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fiogf49gjkf0d Oh, oh, 'courtesan', oh aren't they grand. Harlot's not good enough for them, eh? Paramour, concubine, fille de joie. That's what they're not. They're a bit of tail; Algy thinks they are.
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peterpuck9:
They are called "courtesans" now.......Lemon curry?
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fiogf49gjkf0d They are called "courtesans" now.......Lemon curry?
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Stavro Arrgolus:
Those loopy brothel inmates always think you're Spanish.
Stephen Fry is really good though. He was great in the last 2 Blackadder series. Baa...
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fiogf49gjkf0d Those loopy brothel inmates always think you're Spanish.
Stephen Fry is really good though. He was great in the last 2 Blackadder series. Baa...
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peterpuck9:
Once you find them.......
If I could spend time in a brothel.....oops wrong song........
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fiogf49gjkf0d Once you find them.......
If I could spend time in a brothel.....oops wrong song........
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Stavro Arrgolus:
Actually, such a function is in the works. But, as always, there needs to be time for him to do these things.
But there never seems to be enough time to do the things you want to do...
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fiogf49gjkf0d Actually, such a function is in the works. But, as always, there needs to be time for him to do these things.
But there never seems to be enough time to do the things you want to do...
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fiogf49gjkf0d Well said... I'd click on "Like" if we had a "Like" function.
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