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Yeah, about time for me to get a little drink of water. Figure this stuff is safe to drink? Huh?
Actually I don't care if it's safe or not, I drink it anyway. You know why? 'Cause I'm an American and I expect a little cancer in my food and water. That's right, I'm a loyal American and I'm not happy unless I've let government and industry poison me a little bit every day. Let me have a few hundred thousand carcinogens here. Ahh, a little cancer never hurt anybody. Everybody needs a little cancer I think. It's good for you. Keeps you on you're toes. Besides, I ain't afraid of cancer...I had broccoli for lunch. Broccoli kills cancer! A lot of people don't know that; it's not out yet. It's true. You find out you got some cancer...(click) get yourself a f***ing bowl of broccoli. That'll wipe it right out in a day or two. Cauliflower too. Cauliflower kills the really big cancers. The ones you can see through clothing from across the street. Broccoli kills the little ones. The ones that are slowly eating you away from inside while your goddamn, goofy, half-educated doctor keeps telling you, "You're doing fine, Jim." In fact, bring your doctor a bowl of broccoli. He's probably got cancer too. Probably picked it up from you. They don't know what they're doing. It's all guesswork in a white coat. Here, let me have a few more sips of industrial waste. Ahh, maybe...maybe I can turn them cancers against one another. That's what you gotta hope for, you know? That you get more than one cancer so they eat each other up instead of you. In fact, the way I look at it, the more cancer you got, the healthier you are.
© 1990 George Carlin (Stavro Arrgolus) |
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