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Song Details
Duration: 4:51 
Release Date: 1969  (sfjpk30) 
Lyrics By: John Cleese/Graham Chapman (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Music By: John Cleese/Graham Chapman (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Produced By: Ian MacNaughton (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Released By: Pye 12116 (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Published By: Kay-Gee-Bee Music Ltd. (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Licensing: BMI (Stavro Arrgolus) 
  • Also see "Dead Rappers" by Sudden Death f/ Hot Waffles and Tom Konkle (peterpuck9)
  • Also known as the "Dead Parrot" sketch (peterpuck9)
  • This sketch is featured in Episode 8 of "Monty Python's Flying Circus" TV show. (peterpuck9)
  • There are many variations of this bit. Below is the 'Live at City Center' version. (Stavro Arrgolus)
  • Song Lyrics:
    (John Cleese's 'Eric Praline' character goes into a pet shop)

    Praline: 'Ello, I wish to register a complaint.

    (The owner [Michael Palin] hides and/or ignores him.)

    Praline: 'Ello, Miss?

    Owner: What do you mean "miss"?

    Praline: {pause} I'm sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint!

    Owner: We're closing for lunch.

    Praline: Never mind that, my lad. I wish to complain about this parrot what I purchased not half an hour ago from this very boutique.

    Owner: Oh yes, the, uh, the Norwegian Blue...What's, uh...What's wrong with it?

    Praline: I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad. It's dead, that's what's wrong with it!

    Owner: No, no, 'e's uh,...he's resting.

    Praline: Look, matey, I know a dead parrot when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.

    Owner: No no, he's not dead, he's, he's restin'! Remarkable bird, the Norwegian Blue, innit, eh? Beautiful plumage!

    Praline: The plumage don't enter into it. It's stone dead.

    Owner: Nononono, no, no! 'E's resting.

    Praline: All right then, if he's restin', I'll wake him up! (shouting at the cage) 'Ello, Mister Polly Parrot! I've got a lovely fresh cuttlefish for you if you show...

    (owner hits the cage)

    Owner: There, he moved!

    Praline: No, he didn't, that was you hitting the cage!

    Owner: I never!

    Praline: Yes, you did!

    Owner: I never, never did anything...

    Praline: (yelling and hitting the cage repeatedly) 'ELLO POLLY! POLLLLY? Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your nine o'clock alarm call!

    (Takes parrot out of the cage and thumps its head on the counter. Throws it up in the air and watches it go 'klunk' on the floor)

    Praline: Now that's what I call a dead parrot.

    Owner: No, no.....No, 'e's stunned!

    Praline: STUNNED?!?

    Owner: Yeah! You stunned him, just as he was wakin' up! Norwegian Blues stun easily, major.

    Praline: look, mate, I've definitely 'ad enough of this. That parrot is definitely deceased, and when I purchased it not 'alf an hour ago, you assured me that its total lack of movement was due to it being tired and shagged out following a prolonged squawk.

    Owner: Well, he's...he's, ah...probably pining for the fjords.

    Praline: PININ' for the FJORDS?!?!?!? What kind of talk is that? Look, why did he fall flat on his back the moment I got 'im home?

    Owner: The Norwegian Blue prefers keepin' on it's back! Remarkable bird, innit squire? Lovely plumage!

    Praline: Look, I took the liberty of examining that parrot when I got it 'ome, and I discovered the only reason that it had been sitting on its perch in the first place...was that it had been NAILED there.


    Owner: Well, o'course it was nailed there! If I hadn't nailed that bird down, it would have muzzled up to those bars, bent 'em apart with its beak, and VOOM!

    Praline: "VOOM"?!? Mate, this bird wouldn't "voom" if you put four million volts through it! 'E's bleedin' demised!

    Owner: No no! 'E's pining!

    Praline: 'E's not pinin'! 'E's passed on! This parrot is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker! 'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed 'im to the perch 'e'd be pushing up the daisies! 'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig! 'E's kicked the bucket, 'e's shuffled off this mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisibile!! THIS IS AN EX-PARROT!!


    Owner: Well, I'd better replace it, then. (he takes a quick peek behind the counter) Sorry squire, I've had a look 'round the back of the shop, and uh, we're right out of parrots.

    Praline: I see. I see, I get the picture.

    Owner: I got a slug.


    Praline: Pray, does it talk?

    Owner: Nnnnot really.



    Owner: D'you want to come back to my place?

    Praline: (looks around) Yeah, all right.
    (Stavro Arrgolus)
    Current Rating 10.0 (3 votes)
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