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Song Details
Rank this week: 14 (↓7)
Duration: 12:45 
Release Date: 1983  (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Lyrics By: Eddie Murphy (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Music By: N/A (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Produced By: Eddie Murphy, Richard Tienken, Robert Wachs (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Released By: Columbia/CBS (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Published By:
Song Lyrics:
What's today's date ?

Don't go to cook-outs.

I hate cook-outs man.

Stay away from cook-outs, if you're like me, stay away.

I don't like my family come by the house, with
the relatives I ain't seen since the last cook-out.

You got certain relatives you just see at the cook-out.

And they get on your ****** nerves every year.

My uncle Gus come by the house every year.

My uncle Gus is the uncle that likes to work the grill.

And don't let nobody touch the grill
when he's around and s**t.

As as soon as he walks in the house its like:

"Get away from that grill, you dunna
know how to start a fire"

"You dunna start no fire, put this fire out.
This ain't no fire goddamnit."

"Eddie. Eddie go over there get all of
that wood I need half a tree. Chop that tree."

"Chop down that tree and give me the wood."

"And Charlie go get me 2 gallons of
gasoline out the shed."

"Two gallons of gasoline, you kids roll up your
shirt; we're gonna start a fire."

"Come on, you wanna eat? You wanna eat?."

"Then shut up and put it on the fire."

"O.k. put that wood on the side there."

"O.k. gimme the gasoline Charlie."

"Hold the match; when I tell you throw the match on
the gasoline, all right?"

"When I tell you right? We gonna make a fire.
We gonna eat.

"Here we go pour the gasoline on like this."

"We need the hole ...get that goddamn lighter fluid
out of here; we can't use that s**t."

"Using all the 2 gallons gasoline on this wood."

"And make a fire, we're gonna eat a hamburger o.k.?"

"Here we go, Charlie throw the match."


"That's a fire, look at that, look at that."

"He be alright, roll Charlie 'round, roll him around."

And uncle Gus is married to my aunt Bunny.
My aunt Bunny got a mustache and s**t!

You know one of them lady mustaches?
It was really cool, back when she was .

Ladies had them little thin ones and s**t.

Then when they get about like aunt
Bunny they be havin' a Billy Dee Williams' look.

The s**t is bigger than a man's and s**t !

Aunt Bunny weight like pounds.

Like real heavy lady and s**t.
And the kids were scared of her.

You got that kid logic going.
I remember my aunt Bunny come by the house.

It was like.

I was petrified coz she always
wanted to kiss me and touch me and some s**t.

Soon as she walked on the door was like:
"Come here and give aunt Bunny a kiss, baby."

Then you go: "Waaaaa!"

And my mom would say:
"Why don't you go and kiss your aunt Bunny ?"

Kids don't give a f**k, they go:
"She's got a moustache !"

Why do kids move so slow
when they be crying?

"Stop making all that noise !"

" I said shut up !"

You be mad coz your mother hit you. You be
standing there wishing hateful s**t on your mother.

"God...please....kill her !"

"I hope she gets hit by a truck and die !"

"I hate her ! I hate her !
I hate her ! I hate her !"

Shut up or I'll come and give you
something to cry about.

Than my pop starts talking.
And my pop is fucked up every Fourth of July !"

Black men like to claim the house
when they're drunk.

Men period I think, like to claim their house.

They want you to know that if you drunk and they're
drunk. And you in their house, that it's their house.

My father standing in the middle of
the cook-out saying: "It's my house !"

"You know that it is ? And if you
don't like it, you get the f**k out !"

"I don't give a f**k !"

"I don't give a... I pay the m**********r
bills in this m**********r !"

"And, hey... Kiss my ass if you don't like it !"

"Yes ! Yes, m**********r, yes !"
'cos you know what it is?

I'm drunk. So what? Beautiful ! I'm drunk.
I'm drunk ! So what? I'm drunk.

"You know what ?
I got drunk in my motherfucking kitchen,

I was drinking out of my glass
in my motherfuckin house."

"So, f**k it !"

Then he attacks the whole family, like:
"Gus ! Gus, can I ask you a question?"

"Why is the fire so big ?"

"Why you made the fire so big ? Look at this s**t !
It's motherfuckin ridiculous, Gus !"

"The fire is too motherfuckin big! Why?

You're coming in every motherfuckin' year, Gus..."

"...and you burn out
my motherfuckin backyard ! Why ?"

"I'm cooking motherfuckin
hamburgers this big ?"

"I'm not cookin' no motherfucking
brontosaurus burgers in this m**********r !"

"This ain't the motherfucking Flintstones, Gus !
It's my house, m**********r !"

"Look at Charlie standing over there with
third degree burns on em."

"It doesn't make sense no.
But you take things too far, Gus."

"I tell you go an inch, you go two inches.
Tell you go two inches you go four."

"Give a ***** rope, wanna be a cowboy, Gus."

"Why don't you listen. Eddie, get that
motherfucking dog away from my plate."

"I'm gonna shoot this dog."

"I'm gonna shoot this mother... shut up.
I'm gonna shoot it. Stop crying."

"Stop crying Eddie, cuz you can get the f**k out."

"You're gettin' the f**k...
I know you're seven !"

I know you're seven!

"But you'll be a seven year old
walkin' the dog no house m**********r !"

"I hate this motherfucking dog."

"You don't spend time with the dog, Eddie."

"You don't feed the m**********r."

"You don't pet it. You don't even know
what the f**k the dog's name is anymore do you"

"The dog don't give a f**k he don't know his name.
The dog is 2 yrs old don't know his name."

"Watch this: Coco ! Where the f**k is it goin' ?

The dog's stupid 'cos you
don't spend time with the m**********r."

I'm supposed to work hard all day
and come home to feed the motherfucking dog ?

f**k no, I'm not feeding the m**********r !"

"You know Eddie, when nobody's home."

"When nobody's home you know what I do?"

"I walk to the dog and I kick the m**********r !"

"I kick the m**********r with everything I got, Eddie !
And then I giggle my motherfucking ass off."

"'cos I hate the m**********r !
'cos you don't clean up behind it !

"This ain't Scooby-Doo m**********r !"

"Why can't you clean the dog."

"The dog shits all over the house.
If no one tells you Eddie you don't clean the s**t."

"You let the s**t stay forever."

"s**t been in the den for 6 months Eddie."

It's been in the den for 6 months, you kids
go pass it you act like you don't see it.

"And unless you're told, you won't clean the s**t."

"The s**t is hard as a rock now !
It's like motherfuckin furniture in there !"

"I went in there last week to watch the fight,
and said f**k it; I put my drink on top of it Eddie"

"It's a coffee table now !
Why can't you clean up s**t ?"

"My friends come over and they say, "Oh that's
lovely". "It's not lovely; it's a piece of s**t."

"'Cos my children don't listen !"

Then my aunt Bunny would fall down the steps.
Almost every year.

Ever had a heavy set aunt fall down the steps?
Make a whole lotta f***ing noise !

It's scary, too, 'cos they'll be
calling Jesus on the way down !

And aunts don't like to fall straight
down the steps like a kid,

They be trying to break the fall
and hold it and stop the s**t.

And that's what makes
the fall take a half hour then.

Real loud, like:

"Lord, Jesus Christ, help my lord,
please, Jesus, please !"

"Jesus, God, help, my lord, Jesus, help me I'm falling
down the steps oh lord Jesus Christ please !"

"My shoe !"

"Oh lord Jesus God help us !"

"I'm half way down now help me lord Jesus !"

"Lilian !"
"What is all that ******' noise ?!"

"Lilian !
The b***h is falling down the steps again !"

"Lilian ! Lilian !"
"What's wrong, Bunny ?"

"I fell down the steps !"

"Bunny fell down the steps ! Bunny fell down the steps !"

Eddie, go get your aunt Bunny
something cool for her head !"

"What happened ?"
"Bunny fell down the steps !"

"Hey, Charlie ! Aunt Bunny fell down the steps !"

"Gus ! What the f**k is wrong with your wife ?"

"Why can't she walk the ****** steps?
You come up every ******' year, Gus..."

"... and you burn down my motherfuckin backyard
and your wife rips down the steps !"

"Why ? I work hard to get my place beautiful..."

"...and then the m**********r come over
and rips the steps down !"

"Look at the motherfuckin steps !
They're fucked up, Gus !"

"Why can't she walk the steps ?
You know why she can't walk the steps ?"

"'cos she's a fat hairy b***h !
That's why !"

"That's why, Gus !
And my children are afraid of your wife."

"Eddie's afraid of her !
He has nightmares about your wife !"

I went to his room last week, Gus, he was
in the bed screaming, Oh, help me, help me !"

"I just walk up to him, shake him, ask: What's wrong ?
He said: Aunt Bunny is coming to get me !"

"He's afraid of your wife, 'cos she has
a bigger moustache than his father !"

But you know what it is, Gus ! I figured
out about your wife. And I'm gonna say it..

I figured out about your wife.
I know where you met your wife.

You told me you met your wife years
ago on a motherfucking camping trip...

"...and that your wife was Puerto Rican .
Your wife ain't no motherfuckin Puerto Rican !"

"I thought she wasn't from the first minute 'cos
I walked up to her I said: "Hi, my name is Vernon."

And she said: "Hello, I'm Bunny. Guni gugu !"

"What the f**k does guni gugu mean, Gus ?"

"I don't know what the f**k that s**t is as to this day.
I thought I learned some new Spanish s**t !"

I went up to my friend: "Hey, Sanchez ! Guni gugu !
And Sanchez says: "Get the f**k outta here !"

I've been walking around for years confused.

And I finally figured out about your wife,
where you met your wife.

"You didn't meet your m**********r wife
on no camping trip !"

"Your wife is a Bigfoot, isn't she, Gus ?"

"Your wife is a Bigfoot, isn't she, that's why
the b***h's mustache is so m**********r thick !"

"'Cos you shaved the b***h down
and taught it to speak !"

"I know a motherfuckin' Bigfoot when I see one !"

"Don't bring a Bigfoot in my home, Gus!
With my children!"

The b***h can't talk, she can't walk the ****** steps !
She's not trained well, Gus !"

She can not walk steps. I bet she
climb the f**k out a tree though, don't she, Gus ?"

"Doesn't she ? Doesn't she ?"

"But you had to bring her out here !"

f**k her ! And your m**********r children?
They're Bigfeet too ! They're half Bigfoot, Gus.

"Cos the m.f. is yrs old and have afros inches long."

"They're little hairy m.f. just like their mother."

Look at the motherfuckers, you know
how I found out they was bigfoot?

When I took your kids fishing last week.

I put the motherfuckers in the boat Gus.

And I took the worm and I put it on the hooks.

And they both sat there,
and put the poles down in the boat.

And slammed their face in the water, for 2 mins.

And I think what the f**k are these kids doin.

Then they start movin their heads like this

and the motherfuckers come up with fish.

I jumped back and said, "Can you believe this
motherfuckin s**t?"

Then kid took the fish out of his mouth,
looked at his brother and said: "Guni gugu !"

"I said, what the f**k is going on here ?"

"Normal kids don't do s**t like that, Gus !
But I'll tell you somethin' m**********r !"

You can take your m**********r hairy fat ass
white mustache b***h out the f**k.

"you can go upstairs and get the
motherfuckin' dog and scoop up the s**t..."

"and take Eddie and get these m**********r
long Angela Davis afro-wearin motherfuckin kids of yours...

"...and put them in the m**********r
guni gugu-mobile and get the f**k out !"

"And if my wife don't like it
she can get the f**k out too !"

(shoe throwing noise)

"You missed me, b***h !"

(Stavro Arrgolus)
Current Rating 9.0 (1 vote)
Played on 1 show:
09-16-13, #MMS-171
= Show you can listen to online
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