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Song Details
Duration: 7:03 
Release Date: 1977  (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Lyrics By: George Carlin (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Music By: N/A (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Produced By: Monte Kay/Jack Lewis/George Carlin (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Released By: Little David LD 1075 (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Published By: Dead Sea Music Inc. (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Licensing: BMI (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Keywords: COOKIES, DRUGS, IMPULSE SHOPPING, OBSERVATIONAL HUMOR, SUPERMARKETS 
Reviews:
Facts:
  • The closing line of this bit sounds especially tacked on. It was likely edited from another bit and awkwardly fitted to the end of this one so the album would end with it. Probably for time related reasons involving fitting everything neatly onto the LP. (Stavro Arrgolus)
  • This bit about supermarkets is the final routine from the last of Carlin's 'Little David' albums, "On The Road". It would be four years before he released another album and he would have a new label when he did. Along with it would come a more aggressive and less drug induced style. Never again would his act be this laid back. (Stavro Arrgolus)
  • Song Lyrics:
    In the supermarket, did you ever start to put one of your things in someone else's basket? And you feel foreign for a moment. I almost put that in his basket. Oh- my basket, my basket, my basket. Cupcakes and the macaroni; that's mine. Did you ever walk away with someone else's cart by mistake, man? "Eh- hey! Come here- hey! That's my stuff!" Not yet it isn't. Still belongs to all of us. And if I want to shop out of your cart, I'll shop out of your cart. Got any scallions? Did you ever look in someone else's cart and say, "Ooh, goddamn! Look what they eat! Ugh! f***ing canary mix."

    Here's a fun thing you can do with carts. Get your cart really full. Have a mound of groceries. Fill up the bottom part, too. You know what to put in there- Large box of Tide, some Purina, charcoal briquettes. And go up to the checkout line and look for a guy with one item...and ask him if you could get ahead of him. Pardon me... Y'ever try to go through the express lane with more than the prescribed number of items? Y'know, got to give them a quick count. One..one. Two. Seven packs of franks- it's one item. Go ahead, it's quicker than arguing, go on. I found the best way to shop at the supermarket is not to have eaten for awhile. A coupla days...work up a good old appetite and then smoke eight joints and take five hundred dollars and go to the supermarket. You buy everything. Canned cans..just what I need.

    And the good things, the things you really like, you buy two of them, 'cause you know you're gonna eat one of 'em as soon as you get home, man. And you keep going and after a few aisles, you know, you've been overdoing it. You've got a motorcade of carts- got road guards, reflector raincoats, everything, man. Let 'em in. D'ja ever notice when you spend too much money in the supermarket, you have to return some of the expensive items? And in the supermarket, you put things back... anywhere, man. It don't matter, put the ham in with the coconuts. Put the Brillo in with the bacon bits; they don't care. They got guys that straighten that stuff out, Marge. Guys with purple fingers...come around at midnight and in the morning, everything is back. The mystery of the supermarket.

    I get up to the checkout line, I'm kind of a sucker; I'm an impulse buyer. Anything's hanging up- I want it. Let me have a dozen razors, please, a case of 'C' batteries, a subscription to Woman's Day. How about the cash register, is that for sale? That's a nice model. I even buy stuff that people dropped out at the checkout line, y'know? Mmm, tartar sauce. Must be a sale, Marge, I got the last one.

    D'ja ever go to the supermarket in a head neighborhood? Any college or university supermarket. But any supermarket in an area where folks from time to time...get a little fucked up. Go into any head neighborhood supermarket and take a look at the cookie section. Looks like a war zone. Half the packages are open. And all the good cookies are gone, man! "Where the hell are the Mallomars?" "Oh, we can't get them in the store. They line up at the truck for the Mallomars." There's always lots of shitty cookies. Local cookies. "Jim's Cookies- sixty-two varieties". Man, if you can't make cookies in sixty-two tries, leave me out of it. I don't want to be part of your experiment, Jim.

    Thank you for being here tonight. Thank you for your laughter. I love you, man. See you...
    (Stavro Arrgolus)
    HyperLink  
    Current Rating 9.0 (1 vote)
    Played on 1 show:
    05-19-03, #ISGD-03-19
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