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Have you ever been in a serious social situation, when you suddenly realize you have to pull the underwear out of the crack in your ass? "You take this woman to be your lawful wedded wife?" "Huh? Who her? Oh, hell yeah." Well, it's one life's little moments, isn't it? It's one of those little moments you have to deal with at the time. You've got to get in there and clear that thing out. You've got to rescue your underwear. There's a letter in your mailbox. And you have to...rectify that situation. That's right.
You ever been at a really loud party? I mean a good loud party, where the music is playing too loud and everybody is talking too loudly and in order to be heard even by the person standing right next to you, you've got to be screaming at the top of your lungs. But every now and then at a party, it seems as though everyone shuts up at the same time...and only your voice...can be heard. "Right, I know! I know! Well, what I'm going to do, I'm gonna have my testicles laminated!" Life's little moments.
You ever been talking to someone and you laugh through your nose and blow a snot on your shirt. And you have to just kind of keep talking, you know. And make believe it's part of the design. Works all right if you're wearing a Hawaiian shirt, but otherwise, they're gonna notice. "Ed, you got a big snot on your shirt!" Some guys are really cruel, you know? And some of these things are not even your fault. These little things that happen, you didn't cause the situation. A lot of times you're the victim. You walk into some situation and suddenly you're the one who's taking all the heat. Not your fault. Give you an example of the kind of thing I mean. Did you ever meet somebody, and you go to shake the guy's hand, then you suddenly realize, he doesn't have a complete hand. And you got to make believe it feels great. Right? You can't go AAAAAAHHHHH! WAAAAAAGHHHHH! WAAAAGHHHH! You can't do that. It's not even an option! You've got to hang in there and say, "Hi. Hey, swell hand. Give me three! (boomp booomp boomp boomp boomp boomp boomp) High three! Yo!" Not your fault. You didn't cause that. You weren't even there when it happened to the guy.
©1990 George Carlin (Stavro Arrgolus) |
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