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| As with many Carlin bits, this one isn't about what its title suggests. It's about the ramifications of iconoclasm. The desire to purposely "be different" has its positives & negatives and George puts this concept under the comedy microscope for this bit. (Stavro Arrgolus) |
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| Song Lyrics: |
Are there any guys here tonight wearing an earring? How about a sanitary napkin, do you have one of them on too? That’s a cheap… that’s a cheap joke, I’m sorry. That was a cheap joke and I’m better than that. “No I’m not.”
Well, I only ask for a specific reason. Don’t mean to embarrass anybody; see I once wore an earring and I’m wondering if the climate is still the same for people who take a chance, and I don’t know I guess it’s a little different now, this was ten or twelve years ago, it can’t be quite the same, but when you wear an earring, certain things I noticed, certain things. This was as I say, ten years ago, I decided to wear an earring. The only reason I had very simple motive, I just wanted people to think I was different, okay? And I thought - "Well I’ll drill a hole in my flesh. I only have seven holes in my head now; I’ll make an eighth hole in my head and put an ornament in there and people will have to deal with me."
I just wanted people to think I was a little strange, okay? I mean, apparently it wasn’t strange enough that I stand up here going [noise]. I needed something a little extra. And I thought, well, self-mutilation - that might do the trick. So I drilled a hole in my ear, put an ornament in there and set about my task. First thing I noticed was that some people didn’t care. In fact, the whole world seemed indifferent to what I had done. Most people would not even look at the earring, I noticed that they would look right in my eyes, ignoring the earring, and I know what’s going through their mind, they’re thinking, "This a*****e is wearing a f***ing earring!"
But a lot of people wouldn’t look at it 'cause they couldn’t handle it. That’s… I know that’s what was going on, they couldn’t handle it 'cause they didn’t know what it meant. You know, some people think everything has to mean something. Well, some things don’t mean anything. But people think it means something. It means you're gay. If it’s in this ear it means you're gay. If it’s in this ear, it means you like to hump water buffalo or something. I don’t know. Somebody said to me, “Well, what does it mean?” I said, ”It means I killed a man in prison for asking f***ing questions.” And that seemed to satisfy his curiosity. Another guy says to me, “Are you gay?” I say, “Well, bend over and let’s find out.”
You know, I mean it’s the same thing if a man carries a little bag, a little purse in his hand, you know? That’s all it is, it’s a little purse. It’s a purse; that’s all. Some guys can’t handle that word. Some guys who carry them can’t even call it that. They’ll say, “Where’s my little bag?” I say, ”f**k you it’s your purse. Pick it up and get out of here will you?” I mean if you can’t handle the word, don’t carry the bag. That’s all it is a little purse. I got one, big deal. What does it mean? But some people like to taunt you they’ll say, “Is that your purse?” And I say, “Yes it is and I have a picture of your mother in here sucking off an Indian.” And that seemed to satisfy their curiosity.
So I wore this earring for about two years or three years and then I decided not to wear it anymore when I heard that Andy Rooney had one. I thought, “Well f**k me. How different can I be?” So I stopped wearing it and my hole grew over...my earring hole. No, not my a*****e. What are you crazy or something? Get out of here. No, if your a*****e grows over, you might as well check straight into a cemetery 'cause you’re going to spend a lot of time walking around the beach wondering why you’re getting larger. No, no, no my earring hole grew over and people noticed it. People would say, “Aren’t you gaining weight?” And I’d say, “Yes, my earring hole grew over. And aren’t you a keen observer of detail?”
But these days if you want to be different, these days, one earring isn’t enough. You got to have a whole colony of those goddamn things growing up the side of your head like they’re out of control. Some guys are walking with a thirty-degree list to port. Setting off metal detectors all over town. Or if you really want to be different, you got to get your nose pierced. That will make you different. Get your nose pierced. Actually, you don’t have to get it pierced; you can do it yourself at home with a paper punch. Makes a nice clean hole, only hurts for about a month. And then you can put one of your dad’s tie tacks in there. “Hi Dad.” “What’s that one of my tie tacks?” “Yep.” “Well make sure you bring it home.” You’ll make a good impression at the job interview with one of your dad’s tie tacks sticking through your nose. I figure it’s your body.
Well, some guys won’t get that done. That’s not a guy’s thing for the most part. You won’t see too many guys with a nose stud; it’s more of a woman’s thing to do. Guys figured out a long time ago, “Hey, I get punched in the face with one of those things in it’s going to staple my nose to the back of my skull. Whoa, this f***ing hurts, man! Well I wanted to be different.” “Well, you are now.” Now that’s not for men. For the most part you don’t see men it’s women that have that. And some women have more than one. Some women have two or three of those things in there. God, I could never have handled that. I mean it was hard enough keeping one earring clean, can you imagine three nose studs and a heavy cold. Whoa, forget about it. And you might sneeze and kill your friend. [Sneezes] “f***ing Joey, my eye. My eye!” Now your friend has a pierced eye to go along with your pierced nose.
Little water you know. Little water. Wouldn’t hurt to have a little water. Yeah, you know. The swallow flipper is working I’m happy to say. (Stavro Arrgolus) |
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