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Web pages about this song: |
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Song Lyrics: |
"Okay kids, settle down. It's storytime. I SAID SETTLE DOWN! That's better."
T'was the night before popestink, and all through the goat The croutons were twirling like **** on a boat The scarves of young bellhops were basted in phlegm In the hopes that Tom Brokaw would grow on a stem The milkman was throbbing and glaring at clamps While erstwhile gophers molested his lamps And I and my carrot that made me lick spheres Were spanking a nun underwater at Sears When out in the beefhole a Frenchman was squirted And clanged with such force that my nipples inverted With ponies and catheters chained to my nose, I neutered a biscuit and swallowed my clothes The clams in my waitress demanded more towels As poodle-clad jockeys read porn scripts to owls And there, on the perfectly boneless horizon A vomiting duck made me switch to Verizon The voice of my thermostat cut through the night Like a fat Presbyterian licking a kite It promised me hampers of mayonnaise and sorrow And belched like a barnacle baptized by Charo "On kiwis! On forklifts! On poultry and nipples! "On youppers! On poopers! On commies and cripples! "To the nostril of glee! To the concubine planet! "Now Marmaduke, Marmaduke, Marmaduke, dammit!" As elk-flavored media gargled in pain Like a murderous thermos of pork in the rain Then the constable pudding that lived in my basement Birthed forth manifestos on bovine replacement And then, like the screech of a bucket of toast When a rectal kaleidoscope comes in the post, A warm feathered hat made of anger and meat Threw a cat through my face and glued fame to my feet The porcelain lullabies bled through the cheese As fiberglass embryos marched by in threes Gelatinous oven mitts nibbled my back Like toenails and mayonnaise mixed in a sack Bouquets of gay trapezoids buttered a cop While Spaniards and circuity bred in a mop And the thunderous anthem of blackheads in June Destroyed mice with the Q-tip that pooped in your spoon As pompadour-polishers piddled a prayer And sodomy-nuggets sewed poems to a bear Electric aristocrats rendered in fleece All the vestibule-wrestling pogo police With a cuddly anvil held tight to my butt I deflated a taco and called it a slut The parmesan poodleclock puckered in pain Like a puddle-clad henwipe ingesting a train Testicular tomahawks burned through the beans As the omelet capacitors strangled their spleens Because spaying a turnip may tickle a tank, But the sex you can bake is the milk you can spank A barnacle cocktail ate birds in a maze And the diaper repairmen prescribed Dijonnaise But I heard him exclaim, as he gargled his arm, "I farm where I romp, and I romp where I farm!"
Merry Christmas
©2007 Timothy F. Crist (Stavro Arrgolus) |
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Current Rating
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Played on 19 shows: |
| 12-25-21, #AOTA-211225 | | 12-21-13, #AOTA-131221 |
| 12-05-20, #AOTA-201205 | | 12-17-13, #BWR-13-12-17 |
| 12-20-19, #WOTR_161 | | 12-10-12, #MM-289 |
| 12-24-17, #MMS-223 | | 12-03-12, #KMCC_7-04 |
| 12-22-17, #WOTR_65 | | 12-23-11, #ROTP_383 |
| 12-18-16, #WOTR_19 | | 12-19-10, #MMP-1 |
| 12-04-16, #MMS-206 | | 12-01-09, #KMCC_6-04 |
| 12-12-15, #15-50 | | 12-20-08, #MMCZ_XMAS08D |
| 12-23-14, #BWR-14-12-23 | | 12-19-08, #MMDT20_08-50 |
| 12-23-13, #MM-341 | | |
| = Show you can listen to online |
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