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Song Details
I'm Gonna Procreate 
By: Worm Quartet
Play Song (Creative Commons License):
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Duration: 4:26 
Release Date: 2003 
Lyrics By: Timothy F. Crist 
Music By: Timothy F. Crist 
Produced By: Shoebox 
Released By: Flaming Mayo Records 
Published By:
Licensing: CC 
Song Lyrics:
People say to me “Shoebox

You’ve got a wife now

Do you have any plans

To start a family life now?

We really don’t want your help

Perpetuating the species”

So I bend over and turn around

And tell them to suck my feces

I’ve gotten the impression, since I was in preschool

That some people are opposed to my wading in the gene pool

They’ve mostly been subtle hints, but it sure raised my suspicions

When 300 protesters showed up on my lawn and showed me their signed petitions

Total strangers wish upon me an infection of the pelvic plexus

And children scream and point and cry and ask their parents what my sex is

But I remain undeterred despite the death threats that I’m getting

Your kids will have to deal with my crap too, cuz my seed will soon be spreading!

I’m gonna procreate and there’s nothing you can do about it

It’s gonna be so great, my wife’ll pop out kids like a diesel-powered pez dispenser

If you’re against her helping me produce my offspring let me know

I’ll tell you where to go

Cuz I’m gonna procreate

My wife’s won awards for her uteral perfection

She’s got more freakin’ eggs than the Wegmans’ dairy section

If she even wants to hold my hand, I wear a condom before I’ll let her

Cuz she’s more fertile than cow manure, and thank God, she sure smells better

I’ve been checking my sperm count, and it couldn’t be higher

They’re practically shooting out of my pores whenever I perspire

I’ll fertilize anything that moves, my semen is so kickin’

If I shove an Egg McMuffin down my pants, it turns into a McChicken

I’m gonna procreate and there’s nothing you can say about it

Thanks to a twist of fate I’ve found a girl who doesn’t throw up when she sees me naked

Why would she make it with a fatass long-haired ultra-geek like me?

Well it’s a mystery

I can’t wait until the day

The OB/GYN will say

“Let’s see the ultrasound of what you’ve bred”

The nurses will all faint and scream

Because I’ll bet they’ve never seen

A fetus with a mullet on its head

And full-sized man-boobs

I’ve been reading ‘bout Darwin and natural selection

And wondering how it could apply to the fruits of my erection

I want all my swimmers to be just the fastest fancy sleek ones

So I wax my carrot twenty times a day just to weed out the weak ones

I’m gonna procreate and there’s nothing you can do about it

Each time I copulate there’s a chance that something’s gonna be fertilized now

Don’t be surprised now if someday it comes to be that there’s a

Warm and mushy fleshy thing that’s looking up at you

With a head all full of questions and a diaper full of poo

With a bottle full of Folger’s and a Bad Religion tee

And a face that’s trial-sized but looks an awful lot like me

I’m gonna procreate

Current Rating 10.0 (5 votes)
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