Charlie Brown  By: Johnny Lurg

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Hey there people I’m Charlie Brown They say I’m the most miserable boy in town My head is round, my dog’s a pilot I’m not liked by girls like Lucy and Violet Here I am at an average school I’m dressed in zigzags and playing the fool Peppermint Patty’s got D- on her paper Let her hit on me now and Marcie later will date her Good grief, I got a rock in my Halloween bag Lost my kite to a tree, boy is that sure a drag And that Lucy is mean as a witch At her psychiatry booth, she gets real rich (The doctor, the doctor, the doctor, the doctor is in) Mass commercialization made me famous across the nation I tell you people I was not merry when they gave Snoopy a farm called Knott’s Berry Linus made a little speech when He thought everyone was a heathen Linus thought we were materialistic and not religious So he told everyone the true meaning of Christmas Good grief, I am a consumer’s cow How will I keep my humility now That I’m so filthy stinking rich Am I a loser or winner, I don’t know which (I wonder wonder, I wonder wonder) So I went out and sold me some life insurance I flash all my cash, but I’m still kind of nervous I still can’t defeat the kite-eating tree And everybody’s still picking on me Eventually I talked to the red-haired girl It turned out I didn’t belong in her world She likes guys who can kick footballs, it seems So I kicked the bucket instead and gave up on my dreams Good grief, I am a suicide victim It’s a shame that my Prozac pills never kicked in But you can read my old tales every day In the newspaper comics, Classic Peanuts will stay Good grief, good grief, I’m a blockhead Now my entire class and pets are all dead And my name is Charlie Brown Watch the vet put Snoopy down And my name is Charlie Brown Watch the vet put Snoopy down (I knew you’d be surprised!) (JohnnyLurg)

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