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| Song Lyrics: |
Now this next piece of material is about something I thnk everybody can identify with. It's about losing things. I hate to lose anything. I don't wanna lose anything, because, 'where is it?' See, basically, that's the part that bothers me the most. I'm a practical guy...'Where is it? I just had it.' You know that feeling, 'IT WAS JUST HERE!'"
"'Where is it?'
'I don't know.'
'It's gone!'
'That's true.'
'It's lost!'
'I know.'
'Where could it be?'
'Could be anywhere!'
'Maybe it'll come back'
'Maybe, but not yet.'
'...It's gone!'
'That's true...are we gonna' go through this s**t again?'
Where do these things go when they're lost? There are some things, I don't even care if I ever get 'em back, I just wanna know where the f**k they went! You know what I mean? And let me say, losing things is one of those those events in life that's even worse when you're a kid. It's even worse, because people get on you for it. It's double jeopardy, not only is the item gone, but you're catching s**t from up here!
[Improvised conversation with a mother]
'You what?!?'
'I lost my yo-yo!'
'Well, where did you have it last?'
'HEY...if I knew that, I would still have my yo-yo!'
'Well, it must be somewhere.'
'Right!'
'Well, it just didn't get up and walk away!'
That one always got to me...it just didn't get up and walk away. One time, I lost the cat...it just got up and walked away! And she actually started to say, 'Well, it just didn't get up and...cough, ahem, ahem, um, um.' 'Hey ma, I think you figured this one out.' Where do things go when they're lost? You know what I think? I think there's a big pile of things somewhere. I think there's a big constantly changing pile of things that are lost. You lose something, whoo-pop, it goes to the pile. And then you say, 'Oh look, there it is,' whoowhoowhoowhoowhoowhooph. Right back from the pile. And you didn't even know there was a pile. And where is the pile? In Heaven, of course...has to be in Heaven. That's the first thing that happens when you get to Heaven, They give you back everything you ever lost. That's the whole meaning of Heaven. You get back everything; "Here ya' are, 79 pairs of sunglasses, 212 cigarette lighters, 4,983 ball point pens. Here's a jockstrap we found on the Golden State freeway. It appears to have mule hoofprints and chocolate sprinkles on it. Must've been quite an evening."
Yes, you get back everything...Everything, When you get to Heaven...well, not everything, you know, you don't get the big things back. Good judgment, that never comes back. Your tonsils, your appendix, they keep those for display purposes. Virginity...you don't get that back, because you're in such a big hurry to get rid of it in the first place. But, you get back all your wallets. You get back every wallet you ever lost...No cash...it's just like Earth. They keep the money as a prayer offering.
Have you noticed that there are some people, who when they lose something, their first reaction is that it had to be stolen? First thing- "Hey! It was stolen!" It's an ego defense. They can't stand the fact that they might have been stupid enough to have lost something. And even if it's something that anyone would really want that much. "Hey! Who stole my collection of used bandages?! And they also got away with my nude pictures of Ernest Borgnine!"
Have you noticed this, when you lose something, the longer you look for it, the stranger the places are that you're looking? You look in the goddamndest places after a while. You have to. You know why? You've already looked in the easy places. Those are the first places we look; the obvious places. That's why people say to each other, 'Well, I've looked everywhere.' Well, apparently NOT...the goddamn thing is still gone, isn't it? Let's keep looking in obvious places. I'll look in the furnace; you check the cesspool.
You look in the strangest places; d'you ever look in the freezer for your car keys? Hey, you might as well. s**t, they might be in there! Wouldn't wanna pass up a nice obvious place like the freezer, would ya? 'Cause you can talk yourself into it, you can picture them in there, that's what the mind is for...picturing where you left your car keys. You can follow the logic all the way back to the supermarket. "I came outta the supermarket and I had the frozen banana guacamole in my hand. I put it next to me, drove home. When I got out, I picked up the banana guacamole in this hand, I had the car keys in this hand, I put it in the freezer, I probably just put the keys right down next to it. Let's go take a look...AHHH! They're not in there! I coulda sworn I left those keys in the freezer. And HEY!...Who STOLE THE FROZEN BANANA GUACAMOLE?!"
You look in some strange places..by the way, while you're in the kitchen, keep looking in obvious places. Check the toaster slots! Look inside a corn muffin! You can never tell. You might've just dropped the keys in the batter while you were passing through and they became trapped and baked inside a corn muffin. Wouldn't want to pass up an obvious thing like that. All things are possible when you're looking for your car keys!
You look in some strange places for things. Didja ever find yourself looking in a suit you haven't worn in ten years for something you just had fifteen minutes ago? Why? Six more pockets; wouldn't want to pass 'em up, wouldja? Or else, you wouldn't be able to say, "I've looked everywhere!" By the way, while you're in the closet, check the watch pocket of your grandfather's World War I uniform. You just might've handed him the keys before the Battle of Verdun.
Here's another thing that happens when you're looking for something. Every now and then, you'll go back to where the thing ought to be. You might be out in the garage looking and suddenly you'll go back and open the top drawer- "Whoop. Nope. Not back yet." You're convinced that St. Anthony will bring the keys back while you're in the garage. And if you're looking for your car keys, one obvious place where you have to look six or seven hundred times is your pocket! You will wear out the cloth in your pocket looking because that's where they ought to be.
Of course, those are obvious things...easy things like car keys. Sometimes, an unusual item is missing...like, the couch. You ever come home and the goddamn couch is gone!
'Where's the couch!' [Here George again has a conversation with his mind]
'I don't know.'
'It's gone!'
'That's true.'
'Where could it be?'
'Could be anywhere!'
'Maybe it'll come back.'
'Maybe, but not this, no, it's too big actually, nothing over 4 feet ever comes back on it's own.'
'Well it was here this morning.'
'Well of course it was here this morning. There'd be no sense in mentioning the fact that it isn't here now unless it had been here this morning. There'd be no basis for a comparison...'
'f**k YOU, I'M TIRED OF YOUR ANALYTICAL s**t! Why don't you take your logic and go to bed?'
'I can't.'
'Why not?'
'I sleep on the couch.'
(Stavro Arrgolus) |
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Song samples are provided for information purposes only and are intended
to enable the users to sample the music (as they are in very low quality) before
they take the decision of purchasing the music. This right is expressly permitted
under "Fair Use" as nonprofit educational purposes only. The
ownership of the copyright of the songs rests with the respective owners.
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