Constipated Turtle  By: Sillie Nelson

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Duration:	4:01 (SillieNelson)
Release Date:	2026  (SillieNelson)
Lyrics By:	Sillie Nelson
Music By:	Nelson David Duncan (SillieNelson)
Produced By:	Nelson David Duncan (SillieNelson)
Released By:	Nelson David Duncan (SillieNelson)
Published By:	Nelson David Duncan (SillieNelson)
Licensing:	CC (SillieNelson)
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Reviews:
This is a simple rap about things Drill Sergeants would say to us back in the day.	- SillieNelson

Facts:

Sloths can hold their breath longer than dolphins can. A sloth can go up to 40 minutes without taking a breath—while dolphins max out around 10 minutes. Why? Because sloths move so slowly, they barely need any oxygen. Basically, if there was an underwater meditation contest, a sloth would silently win while the dolphin was still showing off its backflips. ?????? (SillieNelson)

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Sillie Nelson - Landr (SillieNelson)

Song Lyrics:

Sillie Nelson here. Check out these mad statements that my Army Drill Sergeants would say to us in Basic Training, back in the day... Listen up, maggots! You're slower than a constipated turtle, boy! Moving like molasses, man, you ain't got no joy I've seen a one-legged grasshopper move faster than you You're moving backward, forward, sideways—I don't got a clue! You couldn't fight your way out of a wet paper sack Your body's so slow, can't get your swagger back I've seen statues with more energy than you You move like you're wading through a vat of glue! Constipated Turtle! That's what you are! Slower than a snail driving backwards in a car Constipated Turtle! You're a pain to train! Get it together, private, use your brain! Constipated Turtle! Moving like molasses, son! Your time management's so bad, the war's already done! EV-ery-WHERE I GO there's a DRILL serGEANT there CAN"T see BUT I KNOW there's a DRILL serGEANT there DRILL sergeant... DRILL sergeant... WHY don't you LEAVE me a-LONE? WHY don't you GO back HOME? DRILL sergeant! HEY! DRILL sergeant! Your hair had a fight with a lawnmower I've seen wet noodles with more composure Couldn't organize socks, if you had a map Such a disaster, you need a hazmat Drop and give me ten—did half a push-up, fool! Softer than marshmallows in a swimming pool Motivation's lower than 3 stories underground Can't spell "Army?" It's written on your shirt, Clown! WHEN I take a s**t there's a DRILL serGEANT there WHEN I wash my PITS there's a DRILL serGEANT there DRILL sergeant... DRILL sergeant... WHY don't you LEAVE me a-LONE? WHY don't you GO back HOME? DRILL sergeant! HEY! DRILL sergeant! Run like you're stuck in quicksand to your neck Uniform's so wrinkled, it looks like a train wreck Seen sloths with better reflexes than you A three-legged turtle would say, "I beat you!" Attention to detail is a masterpiece of fail Moving in slow-motion like under a spell Couldn't march in a straight line if you were pushed Your body moves like you're made of mush! "The Recruiter that sent you should be charged with a CRIME! You move like you got constipation and diarrhea at the SAME TIME! You're slower than GRANDMA and she's been DEAD since '89! Your brain's so small it rattles around like a DIME! Get your s**t TOGETHER and fall in LINE!" Constipated Turtle, that's your new name, recruit! You're slower than the DMV... and that ain't cute Moving like you're carrying an elephant on your back You're as slow as a Koala Bear attack! I've timed you with a sundial and you're STILL running late Your speed is a violation of the laws of fate You couldn't sprint if a T-Rex was chasing you down You'd just lie there, with a big flop on the ground! Constipated Turtle! That's what you are! Slower than a snail driving backwards in a car Constipated Turtle! Get it together, son! Your career in the military just ain't begun! WHEN I'm in my un-der-WEAR there's a DRILL serGEANT there WHEN I shower BARE there's a DRILL serGEANT there DRILL sergeant... DRILL sergeant... WHY don't you LEAVE me a-LONE? WHY don't you GO back HOME? DRILL sergeant! HEY! DRILL sergeant! (SillieNelson)

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Constipated Turtle Album Cover (SillieNelson)