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Song Details
Duration: 2:48 
Release Date: 1972  (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Lyrics By: Cleese/Chapman (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Music By: N/A (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Produced By: Jacquemin/Jones/Palin/Bailey (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Released By: Arista 0598 (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Published By: Kay-Gee-Bee Music Ltd. (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Licensing: BMI (Stavro Arrgolus) 
  • This sketch is featured in Episode 31 of "Monty Python's Flying Circus" TV show. (peterpuck9)
  • Song Lyrics:
    Miss Anne Elk

    From "Monty Python's Previous Record"

    Cast:Chris (Interviewer- Graham Chapman)
    Anne Elk (John Cleese)

    Chris: Good evening. Tonight: "dinosaurs". I have here, sitting in the studio next to me, an elk. Ahhhh!!! Oh, I'm sorry! Anne Elk - Mrs Anne Elk
    Anne: Miss!
    C: Miss Anne Elk, who is an expert on di...
    A: N' n' n' n' no! Anne Elk!
    C: What?
    A: Anne Elk, not Anne Expert!
    C: No! No, I was saying that you, Miss Anne Elk, were an, A-N not A-N-N-E, expert...
    A: Oh!
    C: ...on elks - I'm sorry, on dinosaurs. I'm ...
    A: Yes, I certainly am, Chris. How very true. My word yes.
    C: Now, Miss Elk - Anne - you have a new theory about the brontosaurus.
    A: Can I just say here, Chris for one moment, that I have a new theory about the brontosaurus?
    C: Uh... Exactly... What is it?
    A: Where?
    C: No! No, what is your theory?
    A: What is my theory?
    C: Yes!
    A: What is my theory that it is? Yes. Well, you may well ask what is my theory.
    C: I am asking.
    A: And well you may. Yes, my word, you may well ask what it is, this theory of mine. Well, this theory, that I have, that is to say, which is mine,... is mine.
    C: I know it's yours! What is it?
    A: ... Where? ...Oh! Oh! What is my theory?
    C: Yes!
    A: Ahh! My theory, that I have, follows the lines that I am about to relate. [starts prolonged throat clearing]
    C: [under breath] Oh, God! [Anne still clearing throat]
    A: The Theory, by A. Elk (that's "A" for Anne", it's not by a elk.)
    C: Right...
    A: [clears throat] This theory, which belongs to me, is as follows...
    [more throat clearing]
    This is how it goes...
    [clears throat]
    The next thing that I am about to say is my theory.
    [clears throat]
    C: [wimpers]
    A: The Theory, by A. Elk [Miss]. My theory is along the following lines...
    C: [under breath]God!
    A: ...All brontosauruses are thin at one end; much, much thicker in the middle and then thin again at the far end. That is the theory that I have and which is mine and what it is, too.
    C: That's it, is it?
    A: Right, Chris!
    C: Well, Anne, this theory of yours seems to have hit the nail right on the head.
    A: ...and it's mine.
    C: Thank you for coming along to the studio.
    A: My pleasure, Chris.
    C: Britain's newest wasp farm...
    A: It's been a lot of fun...
    C: ...opened last week...
    A: ...saying what my theory is...
    C: ... Yes, thank you.
    A: ...and whose it is.
    C: Yes....opened last week...
    A: I have another theory.
    C: Not today, thank you.
    A: My theory #2, which is the second theory that I have. [clears throat]. This theory...
    C: Look! Shut up!
    A: what I am about to say.
    C: Please shut up!
    A: which, with what I have said, are the two theories that are mine and which belong to me.
    C: If you don't shut up, I shall have to shoot you!
    A: [clears throat] My xxx theory, which I posses the ownership of, which belongs to...

    [Sound of a single gun shot]

    A: [clearing throat] The Theory the Second, by Anne...

    [Sound of prolonged machine gun fire]
    (Marcus Tee)
    Current Rating 7.6 (2 votes)
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