Penis Envy by Uncle Bonsai

Song Details

Penis Envy
By: Uncle Bonsai

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Duration:	2:44
Release Date:	1984 (sfjpk30)
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Web pages about this song:

THE INESSENTIAL UNCLE BONSAI (Tim P. Ryan)

Where to Buy:

UNCLE BONSAI: COMPLETE RECORDINGS FROM YELLOW TAIL RECORDS (Tim P. Ryan)

Song Lyrics:

If I had a penis, I'd wear it outside
In cafes and carlots with pomp and with pride
If I had a penis, I'd pamper it proper
I'd stay in the tub and use me as a stopper
If I had a penis, I'd take it to parties
Stretch it and stroke it and shove it at smarties
I'd take it to pet shows and teach it to stay
I'd stuff it in turkeys on Thanksgiving Day

I'd rival my buddies in sportscars and stickshifts
I'd shower my spire with girlies and gifts
I'd peek around corners
I'd aim at my toilet
I'd poke it at foreigners
And soap it and oil it
If I had a penis, I'd run to my mother
Comb out the hair and compare it to brother
I'd lance her, I'd knight her, my hands would indulge
Pants would seem tighter and buckle and bulge

(chorus)
A penis to plunder, a penis to push
'Cause one in the hand is worth one in the bush
A penis to love me, a penis to share...
To pick up and play with when nobody's there

I'd sit like a guy, I'd straddle the chair
I'd play with my fly, albeit with care
I'd dip it in chocolate, I'd stick it in sockets
Go to the movies with hands deep in pockets
I'd stick it in vacuums on vacant verandas
Gas-guzzling bottles and poodles and pandas
And puddles and drain pipes and doggies and ditches,
Poolhalls and potholes and bottles and bitches...

Zucchinis and zebras, tomatoes, tomatoes,
And pineapple pumpkins, and gulches and grottos,
And melons and marshmallows...

Gloves and gorillas
Slurpies and slippers
Chinooks and chinchillas...

(chorus)

If I had a penis, I'd climb every mountain
I'd force it on females
I'd pee like a fountain...

If I had a penis, I'd still be a girl,
But I'd make much more money and conquer the world. (karlap)

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Current Rating 8.6 (3 votes)

Available on the following albums:
The Inessential Uncle Bonsai	Lonely Grain of Corn
Contact us if you know of another album that contains this song

Played on 16 shows:
	06-02-18, #KMCC-12-20	06-23-04, #KMCC_1-15
	09-06-14, #14-36	01-01-89, #KLSX-89-01
	06-14-14, #14-24	12-27-87, #KLSX-87-52
	09-13-09, #09-37	11-16-86, #KMET-86-46
	09-21-08, #MMS-116	10-19-86, #KMET-86-42
	10-14-07, #07-41	10-05-86, #KMET-86-40
	03-26-07, #MMS-71	09-21-86, #KMET-86-38
	04-10-06, #WB-01	04-07-85, #85-14
	= Show you can listen to online

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Song samples are provided for information purposes only and are intended to enable the users to sample the music (as they are in very low quality) before they take the decision of purchasing the music. This right is expressly permitted under "Fair Use" as nonprofit educational purposes only. The ownership of the copyright of the songs rests with the respective owners.