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Song Details
Duration: 3:07 
Release Date: 1974  (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Lyrics By: Albert Brooks/Harry Shearer (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Music By: Albert Brooks/Harry Shearer (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Produced By: Albert Brooks/Harry Shearer (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Released By: Asylum Records (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Published By: Tourist Music (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Licensing: ASCAP  #40044915 
Song Lyrics:
Kristi: Daddy, why is there Christmas?

Brooks: Well, honey, that's what this record is all about.

(cute music begins)

Brooks: Um, what did you ask me, sweetheart?

Kristi: About Christmas- What am I getting, Daddy?

Brooks: (chuckles) "What am I getting, Daddy?" You know, honey, we're all guilty of saying that. But I didn't hear you asking what you were giving. And getting without giving, honey, is like eating without swallowing; it's disgusting.

Kristi: I don't understand!

Brooks: Yes, you do, sweetheart. Remember what I told you once about Santa?

Kristi: Anita?

Brooks: No, no, no, pumpkin. Santa Claus, sweetheart.

Kristi: You said, "He knows when you're sleeping and he knows when you're not sleeping. So for goodness sake!"

Brooks: Well, darling, your paraphrasing makes me chuckle. Sometimes I wonder if, through sheer stupidity, children aren't just as smart as any grownup.
Anyway, lovey, Santa knows who's asleep and who's not, but he also knows something else. He knows the Meaning of Christmas. And do you know what that is?

Kristi: It's all about love and sharing love and giving love.

Brooks: That's beautiful, dumpling!

Kristi: ...How do you make love, Daddy?

Brooks: Well, it's a complicated process, sugar..and it really has nothing to do with Christmas.

Kristi: Does it have anything to do with when you cover Mommy with...

Brooks: (quickly) No, no, no, no, honey!

Kristi: ...raisins?

Brooks: Heh, heh, heh, want that bicycle, don't you?

Kristi: Yes.

Brooks: All right. Then let me ask you a question. What are you getting Daddy for Christmas?

Kristi: Nothing. You hate presents!

Brooks: Sweetie? Have you taken leave of your little senses? Daddy loves presents!

Kristi: Gave you a present last year. You didn't like it!

Brooks: Well, honey, I didn't go crazy over it. It was a drawing of a zebra.

Kristi: But I made it!

Brooks: Well, you make noise too, sugar. So what! Look, I'm glad you brought this up now. Now listen, kitten. Would you like me to draw you a bike or give you a bike?

Kristi: Give me one. Give.

Brooks: Give, right?

Kristi: Give.

Brooks: Exactly, cupcake.

Kristi: You want a real zebra?

Brooks: Do I want a r... (does slow burn) Honey, look. Daddy wants something real. Something that isn't made with your little paste and crayons. Between you and the rest of this adorable little family, Daddy has nine closets full of arts and crafts! Here, sweetie. Here's twenty dollars. Buy Daddy something for a change, okay? Go to a little store! Get Daddy some thing he can wear- something he can plug in- something he can at least return! Daddy hasn't gotten a real gift since he graduated from high school!

Kristi: (cries, then whines:) I don't like YOU!

Brooks: (chuckles) Aww. Isn't this adorable? Sweetheart, come here. Say one more thing for Daddy. Wish all these nice people listening a Merry Christmas.

Kristi: NO!

Brooks: Oh, oh! Looks like Santa's going to leave some little girl off his 'bicycle list'.

Kristi: Oh, no, he isn't! Merry Christmas, everybody!

Brooks: Merry Christmas...everybody!
(Stavro Arrgolus)
Current Rating 8.9 (6 votes)
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