Sign-up FREE! View Cart Login
HyperLink
1 Online
 
 
Song Details
Duration: 4:53 
Release Date: 1975  (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Lyrics By: George Carlin (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Music By: N/A (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Produced By: Monte Kay/Jack Lewis/George Carlin (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Released By: Little David LD 1008 (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Published By: Dead Sea Music Inc. (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Licensing: BMI (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Keywords: BANISTER, HANDRAIL, MASTURBATION 
Reviews:
Facts:
Song Lyrics:
Me and my friend, Billy Heeney..we're about the same y'know I'm 37. It was about 10 years ago; we were about...27, y'know? And we were hanging around in the bar where we grew up. And so we were talking to each other, y'know..reminiscing and specifically one night at this particular time, we were reminiscing about...teenage masturbation. Plain old adolescent hardcore jacking off, man. We were, y'know, talking about little secrets and s**t and everything; we were older now. And, uh, we were talking about who you used to think of. Because we didn't know that we fantasized. We thought we thought about people. Lotta guys thought about movie stars...and a lotta guys thought about girls in the neighborhood. I always did because they seemed more possible, y'know. "Hey, this can happen!" Brings you up a few, doesn't it?

And while we were talkin'; this was so beautiful. 'Cause it wouldn't be funny if he didn't really say it to me. Heeney says, "Did you ever do Betty Ryan?" I said, "Yeah!" He said, "How was she, man?"

Well, I believe in, uh, masturbation. I think if God had intended us not to masturbate, He would have made our arms shorter. "Hey, I can't reach nuttin', c'mere. Hey, gimme a hand, willya, c'mere, c'mere, c'mere. Hey, ya wanna job? Hahaha." It's how phrases are started.

Well, I just think if you're gonna masturbate, man...treat yourself right. Don't just drag yourself in there again and use yourself. Bring home flowers. How about a movie and a quiet dinner for one? And be coy with yourself, man. "I don't wanna!" "Aw c'mon honey...for me?" "S'all you ever think about!" One thing I never did was accept money from myself, man. I never bought any, boy! One time I caught myself with another hand. Never let your left hand know. Big trouble.

There's another part of pre-adolescent sexuality or pre-adolescent "good feelin's". It's just on the threshold of innocence and wonder; it's a little girl getting involved with the banister. It's quite innocent; it's quite nice. It's quite okay, but it's especially built for her. Young males can go up against any flat surface they want. Little girl seeks the banister out; the banister knows. The banister is sensitive to all this. You'll see the girl over there-

(mother voice:) "What, what're doing to the banister?"

"Just talking, Mom. Oh, what's the use..Mom, Dad, I'd like you to meet the banister."

(Dad:) "What do you do for a living, son?"

"I'm a handrail."

"Think you can support my daughter?"

"I'll support anyone who'll hold the handrail."

That's right; the handrail loves it. The banister wants to be slid down. You girls; take a chance. Don't cheat. Don't go down sideways, sidesaddle, both legs off to the left. It's like premature withdrawal, it's like dry humping. Doesn't mean anything. Banister wants you to straddle up good and come on down! Yeah.
(Stavro Arrgolus)
HyperLink  
Current Rating 9.2 (1 vote)
Played on 1 show:
11-12-19, #MMS-232
= Show you can listen to online
Song Images:
Messages about the song: "Teenage Masturbation"
 
 
Enter a New Message
Message:
  • Show/Hide Border
  • Table Properties
  • Delete Table
  • Row
    • Insert Row Above
    • Insert Row Below
    • Delete Row
  • Column
    • Insert Column to the Left
    • Insert Column to the Right
    • Delete Column
  • Cell
    • Merge Cells Horizontally
    • Merge Cells Vertically
    • Split Cell Horizontally
    • Split Cell Vertically
    • Delete Cell
  • Cell Properties
  • Table Properties
  • Properties...
  • Image Map Editor
  • Properties...
  • OpenLink
  • Remove Link
  • Insert Select
  • Cut
  • Copy
  • Paste
  • Paste from Word
  • Paste Plain Text
  • Paste As Html
  • Paste Html

 

 
Song samples are provided for information purposes only and are intended to enable the users to sample the music (as they are in very low quality) before they take the decision of purchasing the music. This right is expressly permitted under "Fair Use" as nonprofit educational purposes only. The ownership of the copyright of the songs rests with the respective owners.

Home - News - Forums - Features - Shows - Songs - Artists - About - Friends - Blogs - Search - Help
© 2004-2023 Mad Music Productions, LLC, all rights reserved. Portions are Copyright by their respective copyright holders.