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Song Details
Duration: 3:54 
Release Date: 2006  (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Lyrics By: George Carlin (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Music By: N/A (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Produced By: George Carlin (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Released By: Atlantic 83892 (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Published By:
  • Below lyrics word for word from the 11/5/2005 performance. (Stavro Arrgolus)
  • Song Lyrics:
    I'm a modern man...

    I'm a modern man
    A man for the millennium
    Digital and smoke free

    A diversified multicultural postmodern deconstructionist
    Politically anatomically and ecologically incorrect

    I've been uplinked and downloaded
    I've been inputted and outsourced
    I know the upside of downsizing
    I know the downside of upgrading

    I'm a high tech lowlife
    A cutting edge state-of-the-art bicoastal multitasker
    And I can give you a gigabyte in a nanosecond

    I'm new wave but I'm old school
    And my inner child is outward bound

    I'm a hot wired heat seeking warm hearted cool customer
    Voice activated and biodegradable

    I interface from a database
    And my database is in cyberspace
    So I'm interactive
    I'm hyperactive
    And from time-to-time
    I'm radioactive

    Behind the eight ball
    Ahead of the curve
    Riding the wave
    Dodging a bullet
    Pushing the envelope

    I'm on point
    On task
    On message
    And off drugs
    I got no need for coke and speed
    I got no urge to binge and purge

    I'm in the moment
    On the edge
    Over the top
    But under the radar

    A high concept
    Low profile
    Medium range ballistic missionary
    A street-wise smart bomb
    A top gun bottom feeder

    I wear power ties
    I tell power lies
    I take power naps
    I run victory laps

    I'm a totally ongoing big foot slam dunk rainmaker with a proactive outreach
    A raging workaholic
    A working rageaholic
    Out of rehab
    And in denial

    I got a personal trainer
    A personal shopper
    A personal assistant
    And a personal agenda

    You can't shut me up
    You can't dumb me down
    'Cause I'm tireless
    And I'm wireless
    I'm an alpha male on beta blockers

    I'm a non-believer and an over-achiever
    Laid back but fashion forward

    Up front
    Down home
    Low rent
    High maintenance

    Super size
    Long lasting
    High definition
    Fast acting
    Oven ready
    And built to last

    I'm a hands on
    Knee jerk
    Head case

    Prematurely post-traumatic
    And I have a love child who sends me hate mail

    But I'm feeling
    I'm caring
    I'm healing
    I'm sharing
    A supportive bonding nurturing primary care giver

    My output is down
    But my income is up
    I take a short position on the long bond
    And my revenue stream has its own cash flow

    I read junk mail
    I eat junk food
    I buy junk bonds
    I watch trash sports

    I'm gender specific
    Capital intensive
    User friendly
    And lactose intolerant

    I like rough sex...
    I like rough sex
    I like tough love
    I use the f word in my email
    And the software on my hard drive is hard core, no soft porn

    I bought a microwave at a mini mall
    I bought a mini van in a mega store
    I eat fast food in the slow lane

    I'm toll free
    Bite sized
    Ready to wear
    And I come in all sizes

    A fully equipped
    Factory authorized
    Hospital tested
    Clinically proven
    Scientifically formulated medical miracle

    I've been pre-washed
    And I have an unlimited broadband capacity

    I'm a rude dude
    But I'm the real deal
    Lean and mean
    Cocked, locked and ready to rock
    Rough tough and hard to bluff

    I take it slow
    I go with the flow
    I ride with the tide
    I got glide in my stride

    Drivin' and movin'
    Sailin' and spinnin'
    Jivin' and groovin'
    Wailin' and winnin'

    I don't snooze
    So I don't lose
    I keep the pedal to the metal
    And the rubber on the road

    I party hearty
    And lunch time is crunch time

    I'm hanging in
    There ain't no doubt
    And I'm hanging tough
    Over and out

    ©2006 George Carlin
    (Stavro Arrgolus)
    Current Rating 9.2 (6 votes)
    Played on 4 shows:
    02-15-17, #ISGD-17-0709-09-11, #MMDT20_11-36
    01-31-15, #15-0512-31-06, #ISGD-06-92
    = Show you can listen to online
    Song Images:
    Messages about the song: "A Modern Man"
    Stavro Arrgolus   Offline  -  Editor, MP3  -  06-27-08 06:35 PM  -  14 years ago
    Yup. That's it. This is the bit that opens the cable special, the album and his third book, "When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?"
    MarlinsGirl   Offline  -  Participant  -  06-26-08 09:26 PM  -  14 years ago
    I hope this is the right bit. I found this on another forum that I go to and I thought it was brilliant.

    nothing to see here.

    Terri M.
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    Song samples are provided for information purposes only and are intended to enable the users to sample the music (as they are in very low quality) before they take the decision of purchasing the music. This right is expressly permitted under "Fair Use" as nonprofit educational purposes only. The ownership of the copyright of the songs rests with the respective owners.

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