Urinals Are 50 Percent Universal by George Carlin

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Urinals Are 50 Percent Universal
By: George Carlin

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Duration:	2:25
Release Date:	1974 (Stavro Arrgolus)
Lyrics By:	George Carlin (Stavro Arrgolus)
Music By:	N/A (Stavro Arrgolus)
Produced By:	Monte Kay/Jack Lewis/George Carlin (Stavro Arrgolus)
Released By:	Little David LD 3003 (Stavro Arrgolus)
Published By:	Dead Sea Music Inc. (Stavro Arrgolus)
Licensing:	BMI (Stavro Arrgolus)
Keywords:	BEER, CIGARETTES, URINALS, URINE

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Song Lyrics:

Well, there are some subjects that are only fifty percent universal because of the sexual differences. Urinals are fifty percent universal. Most women have seen a urinal and they will look and say, "WOO! A URINAL! HEY!"...one time. Quick shot. But, uh...we guys have to work 'em. Day in, day out, workin' the urinals...it's not easy. It's true. A urinal's like an elevator; there's nothin' to do, really, while you're there. You can check the fronts of your shoes again if you want. It's probably a different story by now. Depending if you're at a knee length one or a floor console model. Just p**s all over everything and don't care. Y'know- "Hey, it's OK. I got a long one here." But, uh, there's nothin' to do at the urinal. You stare up straight ahead of you; what do you see? Standard-Crane American Standard. Patent pending 2861855... You look up high..."LOOK UP THERE; YOU'RE PISSIN' ON YOUR SHOES AGAIN!" Aw, jeez...

You gotta kill the time. The first thing you do is you inscribe your initials on the urinal. Then they run a little bit, then you wet down the entire urinal. "Wet down! Wet down! Wet down entire urinal! Cover all of the dry spots! Gotta get 'em all! Every one! Gotta look, see if the light is shining." Then..Then and only then are you allowed to go after the cigarettes at the bottom of the urinal! Targets of opportunity! Yeah. You had to break up them cigarettes. Field strip 'em, my friend. Camels and Luckys were easy...but a Kent with a micronite filter. Takes three guys and a keg of beer. "C'mon guys! Hey...c'mon. Let's go, man"
(Stavro Arrgolus)

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Available on the following albums:
Toledo Window Box	The Little David Years: 1971-1977	Indecent Exposure: Some Of The Best Of George Carlin
Contact us if you know of another album that contains this song

Played on 1 show:
	03-05-11, #MMS-144
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