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Song Details
Rank this week: 27 (↑20)
Duration: 2:12 
Release Date:
Lyrics By: Monty Python (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Music By: N/A (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Produced By: André Jacquemin (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Released By: Unreleased (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Published By: Kay-Gee-Bee Music Ltd. (Stavro Arrgolus) 
This is the 'evolved' version of the 'pepperpot' concept where they are given silly names that are examples of what's discussed in the sketch and what's discussed is as far from what middle-aged women really talk about as possible. It was likely written too late in the career of the group to be of any use to them, so it was never released. The drug references could have been what kept it off albums or shows, but that sort of thing usually didn't stop Python.

Pass the Quaaludes.
- Stavro Arrgolus
  • Typical "pepperpot" sketch with the somewhat unusual pairing of Eric Idle & Graham Chapman. On TV, Graham would usually be paired with John Cleese so the significant height difference wouldn't distract from the comedy. This bit involves shopping, astrophysics and giving 'very hard drugs' to household pets. (Stavro Arrgolus)
  • Song Lyrics:
    Mrs. Velocity (Graham Chapman): Morning, Mrs. Particle.

    Mrs. Particle (Eric Idle): Morning, Mrs. Velocity.

    V: Been shopping?

    P: Naaaaaaoh! I haven't got time to leap about the place on one leg all day!

    V: You don't have to do that to go shopping.

    P: Whoo! I'm sorry. I thought you meant hopping. I must have partial auditory anti-sibilance.

    V: What's that?

    P: It's a disease I just invented.

    V: You don't invent diseases, they are discovered.

    P: Like Africa.

    V: You can't catch Africa! You'd have to be enormous to harbor such an infection! To catch "Africa" would require a woman 16 times the size of Jupiter.

    P: Weeeeeeelllll! If she were that big, at least she wouldn't have to go shopping!

    V: Why?

    P: Gravity. It'd all be drawn towards her.

    V: Oooh, I wouldn't like that. It'd remove all the element of choice.

    P: Well, according to Mrs. Quasar, you wouldn't need to be that big. You could be much smaller and ease shopping drudgery if you shopped at speeds approaching the speed of light!

    V: E=MC², Mrs. Particle. If you shopped at those speeds, a small carton of cat litter would become as heavy as Birmingham and a million times smaller than an ant's footprint. Everything you bought would just fall through the trolley.

    P: They'd have built special electromagnetic shopping trolleys by then.

    V: Well, what's it matter?

    P: Condensed energy.

    V: I beg your pardon?

    P: That's what matter is.

    V: I think whatever you're on is wearing off, Mrs. Particle.

    P: Yeeees. Fancy a line?

    V: No, thank you. I wouldn't give that stuff to our cat.

    P: Weellll, your cat won't so much sniff at anything that isn't pure base! It must cost you a fortune!

    V: Well, you can talk. Eight thousand dollars worth of smack twice a week for a stray Labrador?

    P: Why does it need so much?

    V: Well, if you ask me, I think it is a malaise common to many in our society who, lacking outdated religious or political motivations, find themselves without a sense of purpose, unable as they are to comprehend the necessarily slow but steady progress of the collective consciousness of humankind towards a state of enlightenment, get themselves zogged up to the eyeballs on drugs and it's hooked!

    P: Disgusting!

    V: I think we're too thick to cope with ourselves.

    P: Speak for yourself!

    V: I thought I just did. Pass the Quaaludes.

    (Stavro Arrgolus)
    Current Rating 9.2 (1 vote)
    Played on 3 shows:
    07-05-14, #AOTA-14070501-01-12, #MMS-149
    11-02-12, #MMDT20_12-44
    = Show you can listen to online
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