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Song Details
Can't Find My Penis 
By: Robert Lund
Play Song (Creative Commons License):
Click Here for a Free Download of this song at 128k
Rank this week: 10 (↑26)
Duration: 4:30 
Release Date: 3/14/2008  (Captain Wayne) 
Lyrics By: Parody Lyrics by M. Spaff Sumsion (peterpuck9) 
Music By: Parody Lyrics by M. Spaff Sumsion (peterpuck9) 
Produced By:
Released By: (peterpuck9) 
Published By:
Licensing: CC 
  • Parody of "Can't Fight This Feeling" by REO Speedwagon (czwrefsteven)
  • Song Lyrics:
    Parody of REO Speedwagon's "Can't Fight This Feeling"
    Lyrics by M. Spaff Sumsion

    I can't make my penis any longerrr
    Despite a zillion email guarantees
    There's not a big shortcoming with my dongerrr
    The actual problem is my gut's grown past my knees

    I tell myself I should cut out carbohydrates
    But that would mean less pretzels with my beerrr
    And though it sucks to horrify my blind dates
    I've got more spots to hide gerbils
    Than a guy like Richard Gerrre

    My diet should be stricterrr
    But that's a useless fight
    When the scale I use is Richterrr
    And my butt's a launching site
    And I'd disappear if they sucked off my cellulite

    And I can't find my penis anymorrre
    I've forgotten where it used to be beforrre
    I'm scared it's been sent off to fight the warrr
    Or trashed by Michael Moorrre

    'Cause I can't find my penis anymorrre
    I've forgotten what that part was ever forrr
    So maybe it was mugged in Baltimorrre
    Or snuffed like Dumbledorrre
    Baby, I can't find my penis anymorrre

    [Guitarrr solo]

    I once auditioned to go on The Biggest Loserrr
    But I ate the cast with Krispy Kremes for lunch
    And my shrink believes I'm a cereal abuserrr
    My gateway drug was Froot Loops
    Now I mainline Captain Crunch

    I've grossed out my reflection
    He wishes he was blind
    When I gaze at my midsection
    Why do sperm whales spring to mind?
    And I'm getting larger than Shrek and your mom combined

    And I can't find my penis anymorrre
    I've forgotten what I started looking forrr
    It's time to just give up the Trojan Warrr
    I've lost my chance to scorrre

    'Cause I can't find my penis anymorrre
    There's no Dick Van Dyke for Mary Tyler Moorrre
    I'd like to drag my ass up off the floorrr
    But standing up's a chorrre
    And I just can't find my penis anymorrre

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    Current Rating 9.7 (4 votes)
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