Sign-up FREE! View Cart Login
1 Online
Song Details
Duration: 3:54 
Release Date: 1971  (The Judge) 
Lyrics By: Benny Hill (The Judge) 
Music By: Benny Hill (The Judge) 
Produced By: Walter J Ridley (The Judge) 
Released By:
Published By:
Licensing: ASCAP  #350063648 
  • #1 in UK charts 11.12.71 -1.1.72 (Maxe)
  • Song Lyrics:
    You could hear the hoof beats pound
    As they raced across the ground
    And the clatter of the wheels
    As they spun round and round
    And he galloped into Market Street
    His badge upon his chest
    His name was Ernie
    And he drove the fastest milkcart in the west

    Now Ernie loved a widow
    A lady known as Sue
    She lived all alone in Linley Lane
    At number twenty two
    They said she was too good for him
    She was haughty, proud and chic
    But Ernie got his cocoa there
    Three times every week
    They called him Ernie (Ernie)
    And he drove the fastest milkcart in the west

    She said she'd like to bathe in milk
    He said alright sweetheart
    And when he finished work one night
    He loaded up the cart
    He said you wanted pasteurized
    Cause pasteurized is best
    She says Ernie I'll be happy
    If it comes up to me chest
    And that tickled old Ernie (Ernie)
    And he drove the fastest milkcart in the west

    Now Ernie had a rival
    An evil looking man
    Called Two Ton Ted from Teddington
    And he drove the bakers van
    He tempted her with his treacle tarts
    And his tasty wholemeal bread
    And when she saw the size
    Of his hot meat pies
    It very near turned her head
    She nearly swooned at his macaroon
    And he said now if you treat me right
    You'll have hot rolls every morning
    And crumpets every night
    He knew once she'd sampled his layer cake
    He'd have his wicked way
    And all Ernie had to offer
    Was a pint of milk a day
    Poor Ernie (Ernie)
    And he drove the fastest milkcart in the west

    One lunchtime Ted saw Ernie's horse and cart outside her door
    It drove him mad to find it was still there at half past four
    And as he leaped down from of his van
    Hot blood through his veins did course
    And he went across to Ernie's cart
    And he didn't 'arf kick his horse
    Who's name was Trigger (Trigger)
    And he pulled the fastest milkcart in the west

    Now Ernie rushed out into the street
    His goldtop in his hand
    He said if you want to marry Susie
    You'll fight for her like a man
    Oh why don't we play cards for her
    He sneeringly replied
    And just to make it interesting
    We'll have a shilling on the side
    Now Ernie dragged him from his van
    And beneath the blazing sun
    They stood there face to face
    And Ted went for his bun
    But Ernie was to quick
    Things didn't go the way Ted planned
    And a strawberry flavored yogurt
    Sent it spinning from his hand
    Now Sue she ran between them
    And tried to keep them apart
    And Ernie pushed her aside
    And a rock cake caught him underneath his heart
    And he looked up in pained surprise
    As the concrete hardened crust
    Of a stale pork pie caught him in the eye
    And Ernie bit the dust
    Poor Ernie (Ernie)
    And he drove the fastest milkcart in the west

    Ernie was only fifty-two, he didn't want to die
    Now he's gone to make deliveries
    In that milkround in the sky
    Where the customers are angels
    And ferocious dogs are banned
    And a milkman's life is full of fun
    In that fairy dairy land
    But a woman's needs are many fold
    And Sue she married Ted
    But strange things happened on their wedding night
    As they lay in their bed
    Was that the trees a rustling
    Or the hinges of the gate
    Or Ernie's ghostly goldtop a rattling in their crate
    They won't forget Ernie (Ernie)
    And he drove the fastest milkcart in the west
    Current Rating 9.6 (3 votes)
    Song Images:
    Messages about the song: "Ernie (The Fastest Milkman In The West)"
      Online  -   -  05-24-07 06:15 AM  -  17 years ago
      Online  -   -  04-19-07 02:11 AM  -  17 years ago
    pmbkigjnw lgfo kcomplt fbijowah ciwfvjgzh pthikuwdl qvwhjmeit
    Enter a New Message
    • Show/Hide Border
    • Table Properties
    • Delete Table
    • Row
      • Insert Row Above
      • Insert Row Below
      • Delete Row
    • Column
      • Insert Column to the Left
      • Insert Column to the Right
      • Delete Column
    • Cell
      • Merge Cells Horizontally
      • Merge Cells Vertically
      • Split Cell Horizontally
      • Split Cell Vertically
      • Delete Cell
    • Cell Properties
    • Table Properties
    • Properties...
    • Image Map Editor
    • Properties...
    • OpenLink
    • Remove Link
    • Insert Select
    • Cut
    • Copy
    • Paste
    • Paste from Word
    • Paste Plain Text
    • Paste As Html
    • Paste Html


    Song samples are provided for information purposes only and are intended to enable the users to sample the music (as they are in very low quality) before they take the decision of purchasing the music. This right is expressly permitted under "Fair Use" as nonprofit educational purposes only. The ownership of the copyright of the songs rests with the respective owners.

    Home - News - Forums - Features - Shows - Songs - Artists - About - Friends - Blogs - Search - Help
    © 2004-2024 Mad Music Productions, LLC, all rights reserved. Portions are Copyright by their respective copyright holders.