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Duration:
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4:06 (Wacky Ben)
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Release Date:
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3/9/2012 (DJ Particle)
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| Song Lyrics: |
HOW TO SPEAK SHOEBOX
Written by ShoEboX
Narrator: Language tape #6 - A beginner's introductory primer to talking like Shoebox of Worm Quartet.
(intro music)
Narrator: The basis of Shoebox's language, or "Hyper-Nonbulgarian SuperHyperUltraWonderspeak", is centered around the concept of incessant greeting. For example, when meeting someone for the first time, the formal greeting is used.
*bing!*
Shoebox: Hi!
Narrator: Now you try it.
*bing!*
Listener 1: (apathetically): Um...hi.
Narrator: No no, I'm afraid that's very bad. You'll have to be shot.
(KA-BLAM!)
Listener 1: Aaaaagghh!! (dies)
Narrator: Would anyone else like to try?
*bing!*
Listener 2: (perfectly) Um...Hi!
Narrator: Yes, very good! Here, have a squid.
Listener 2: All right! This is going straight up my nose!
Narrator: Now then. When greeting a friend whom one has not seen in many years, the less formal familiar form of the greeting is used.
*bing!*
Shoebox: Hi!
Narrator: Now you try it.
*bing!*
Listener 2: Hi!
Narrator: Very good! But not quite good enough to be deserving of additional squid.
Listener 2: Son of a...
Narrator: When greeting a friend whom one has not seen in several days, the formally familiar masculine form of the greeting is used.
*bing!*
Shoebox: Hi!
Narrator: Now you try it.
*bing!*
Listener 2: Am I gonna get a squid this time?
Narrator: No, you're going to get shot.
(Ka-BLAM!)
Listener 2: Aaaggh! (dies)
Narrator: Would anyone else like to try?
Listener 3: Hi!
Narrator: Much better. But we're all out of squid at the moment. For more squid, why not visit your local library?
Listener 3: Awesome!
Narrator: Now, when greeting a friend whom one has not seen in several minutes, or in as few as possibly seventeen seconds, the quasi-familiar formally feminine inversely semi-passive form should be used.
*bing!*
Shoebox: Hi!
Narrator: Now you try it.
*bing!*
Listener 3: Hi!
Narrator: f***ing excellent. Remember that the proper accentuation of the syllables is absolutely vital in order for your words to be correctly interpreted by a native Shoebox speaker, such as Shoebox. Mispronunciation can have disastrous consequences, as illustrated in the following scene at a stapler enthusiast convention:
*bing!*
(talking and stapling in background, maybe?)
Shoebox: Hi!
Peon (apathetically): Hi.
Shoebox: Really? Well, okay, I've got a blender right here! Pull down your pants!
*whirring and screaming*
Narrator: In addition, proper grammar when speaking Shoebox is vital. All punctuation marks must be announced, as obnoxiously as possible, using the term "dammit." Consider the following scene at Eddie's Redundant Food Hut:
*bing*
(talking in background, maybe?)
Shoebox: I'd like a crouton sandwich and some mashed potatoes with tater tots, dammit!
Narrator: Now you try!
Listener 3: Eddie's Redundant Food Hut?
Narrator: Yes! You've never been? They have a marvelous beefburger on whole meat bread with beef, exquisite tomatoes in ketchup, fantastic cream of milk soup, and a great pita in a pita in a pita in a pita in a pita.
Listener 3: I don't remember what I was supposed to say now.
Narrator: Oh. Well then I suppose it wouldn't be fair to...
(KA-BLAM!)
Listener 3: Aaaggh! (dies)
Narrator: Whoops, sorry about that, I thought I saw a puppy. Anyway, you should now be speaking pigeon-Shoebox. Be sure to pick up language tape #7, advanced Shoebox speak, when we will learn how to combine the skills we've learned on this tape...
*bing!*
Shoebox: Hi, dammit!
Narrator: And language tape #8, when we will discuss the correct way to obnoxiously mention nipples at least twice in every sentence.
*bing!*
Shoebox: Hi! My nipples are all nippled with nipply nippleness, dammit!
Narrator: And don't forget to pick up language tape #9, How to speak fluent Luke Ski in emergency situations
*bing!*
Luke: AAAGGHH!! HELP!! I'm on fire!! By the way, my CDs are for sale at my merch table in the back for only $15! Don't forget to sign up for on e-mailing list at lukeski.com! AAAAAAAGGHHHHHHHH IT BURNS!!!! (Gilbert:) IS IT GOOD? NO!! (Luke:) AAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHH!!!...(fade) (MarlinsGirl) |
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Current Rating
10.0
(1 vote)
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| Played on 17 shows: |
 | 02-03-23, #WOTR_312 | | 04-20-12, #MMDT20_12-16 |
| 02-10-18, #KMCC-12-12 | | 04-14-12, #AOTA-120414 |
| 11-25-17, #KMCC-12-07 | | 04-13-12, #MMDT20_12-15 |
| 07-21-17, #WOTR_43 | | 04-06-12, #MMDT20_12-14 |
| 12-31-12, #MMDT20_12-FY | | 03-30-12, #MMDT20_12-13 |
| 07-04-12, #MMDT20_12-HY | | 03-23-12, #MMDT20_12-12 |
| 05-04-12, #MMDT20_12-18 | | 03-19-12, #MM-251 |
| 05-01-12, #BWR-12-05-01 | | 03-16-12, #MMDT20_12-11 |
| 04-27-12, #MMDT20_12-17 | | |
| = Show you can listen to online |
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Message:
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Song samples are provided for information purposes only and are intended
to enable the users to sample the music (as they are in very low quality) before
they take the decision of purchasing the music. This right is expressly permitted
under "Fair Use" as nonprofit educational purposes only. The
ownership of the copyright of the songs rests with the respective owners.
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