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Song Details
Rank this week: 10 (↑26)
Duration: 2:54 
Release Date: 1972  (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Lyrics By: George Carlin (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Music By: N/A (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Produced By: Monte Kay/Jack Lewis (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Released By: Little David LD 7214 (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Published By: Dead Sea Music Inc. (Stavro Arrgolus) 
Licensing: BMI (Stavro Arrgolus) 
  • The lyrics below are from the album version which contains the 'hair piece' poem and the routine that surrounds it. (Stavro Arrgolus)
  • The poem "The Hair Piece", from the "FM & AM" album, is printed on the interior of the fold-out record sleeve of Carlin's "Class Clown" LP (Stavro Arrgolus)
  • Song Lyrics:
    One of the things that occurred when I began to uh, y'know, feel some changes happening to me...naturally, I was kinda still entertaining in gin joints, y'know- I realize they sell gin here, but it's really not the same as middle-class nightclubs where I spent like a lotta years and it was weird to start having hair and start having a beard and to come out, y'know, to all these folks- lotta Shriners and hookers and salesmen..which are the same as hookers, really, if you get right down to it. Uh, it was just strange. I had to find a way to break the ice. I told them a poem. I told them about my hair.

    I'm aware some stare at my hair
    In fact, to be fair
    some really despair of my hair
    But I don't care
    'cause they're not aware
    nor are they debonair
    In fact, they're just square
    They see hair down to there
    say "beware" and go off on a tear
    I say "No fair"
    A head that's bare is really nowhere
    So be like a bear
    Be fair with your hair
    Show it you care
    Wear it to there, or to there,
    or to THERE if you dare
    My wife bought some hair at a fair
    to use as a spare
    Did I care? Au contraire!
    Spare hair is fair
    In fact, hair can be rare
    Fred Astaire got no hair
    nor does a chair
    or a chocolate eclair
    And where is the hair on a pear?
    Nowhere, mon frere
    Now that I've shared this affair of the hair
    I think I'll repair to my lair
    and use Nair, do you care?
    Here's my beard
    Ain't it weird?
    Don't be sceered
    's just a beard

    That's the thing. The word 'beard' shook a lot of people up. BEARD! It's not American sounding. BEARD! Lenin had a BEARD! Gabby Hayes had 'whiskers'. Monty Woolley had whiskers. Yeah. Well anyway, I mention hair because I've only had extra hair for about a year now and uh, actually, it's the same hair I always had. It just used to be on the inside. I'm wearing it in a new location, that's all. And I've found there are some advantages to longer hair. For one thing, it covers the pimples on your neck. One of the disadvantages of longer hair- a lot of people think you're a Commie *** junkie. And it's tough to talk them out of three things at once. What would a Commie *** junkie sound like, y'know? (does 'Commie *** junkie' impression) Workers of the world, unite...
    (Stavro Arrgolus)
    Current Rating 9.7 (5 votes)
    Song Images:
    Messages about the song: "The Hair Piece"
    Stavro Arrgolus   Offline  -  Editor, MP3  -  12-11-12 01:40 AM  -  11 years ago
    Yes, that's it. Thanks. I'd never have worked it out. Damn nerve deafness.
    David Sinrich   Offline  -  Member  -  12-10-12 08:38 PM  -  11 years ago
    Carlin, in the hair song piece, says, "Workers of the World, Unite!", from Marx's Communist Manifesto. He says it with a lisp and with a stoned tonality, to represent the three groups.
    Stavro Arrgolus   Offline  -  Editor, MP3  -  09-28-12 12:23 AM  -  11 years ago
    What the hell did he say?! Could never quite work out the last line of this bit. What the line sounds like makes no sense. I'm going to continue to call the line unintelligible until I find out.
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    Song samples are provided for information purposes only and are intended to enable the users to sample the music (as they are in very low quality) before they take the decision of purchasing the music. This right is expressly permitted under "Fair Use" as nonprofit educational purposes only. The ownership of the copyright of the songs rests with the respective owners.

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